My Novels

Sunday, March 02, 2003

I'm feeling a bit better emotionally today. I go through depressive episodes, particularly when I realize self-defeating patterns from my past, which arise due to growing up with an alcoholic father/enabling mother. I suppose the good news is that I DO recognize the bad behavior, and though it is often impossible to stop during the event, at least I can reflect on it and try to improve. Such are the psychological scars ALL adult children of alcoholics live with each and every day. In the words of an old adage/cliche: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Better to prevent child abuse than try to fix the broken person once they are an adult. Society can't seem to UNDERSTAND this truth -- ah, but then, those who have not suffered abuse simply lack insight and true understanding.

At any rate, for the past couple of days I was able to ride my bike (which always helps relieve stress/anxiety levels) even though the park trail was a bit muddy. My bike is really dirty...but looks like a used one, not a shiny bike stuck in a garage where it's never used. We had overcast, cold weather too, and that continues today, although the sun is peaking out at times. I am SO tired of rain and clouds, it'll be good to see the sunshine, if it ever returns. Overcast days unending can truly affect my mood.

Today DH and I will go on our usual Sunday afternoon ride. Maybe I'll get some pictures, and will take my digital camera in case I come across a good setting for a photo.

Last night I felt sick, had a terrible migraine headache (haven't had one in years, had forgotten how awful they are!), nauseated, but this only occurred near bedtime so I was able to go to sleep and awoke feeling better this morning. I don't know what brought on the migraine, but it sure reminded me of how bad I hate those things! I also did a lot of scrubbing/cleaning on my cats' sunporch yesterday, and assorted tasks around the house.

I went to the library for an hour or so yesterday, and picked up the epilogue, "A Thousand County Roads"...Waller's novel that tries to recapture some sales from, "The Bridges of Madison County." Not thrilled with it so far, and I'm halfway through. But sometimes he can truly write beautiful prose, as in this passage:

One great love in one dancing moment when the wind had come around to his back and the universe hesitated in whatever the universe was up to. One dancing moment when the old traveler saw the fires of home, when the trains came to rest and their whistles turned silent. When his circling around Rilke's ancient tower had ceased for a time."

I also got a novel I've been looking forward to reading: "Enemy Women" which deals with a female during the Civil War.

And that's it for now.

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