My Novels

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Message from my dogs

Dear Peeps,
What's up with our mom?

First she took down all the curtains and blinds, cleaned the windows inside, washed the curtains/blinds. She also painted the window trim, then rehung the curtains/blinds.

Today she washed the whole outside of the house with a water-hose, shined the outside windows and even washed the car! Those darn spoiled cats got their screenporch washed too, scrubbed and neat (they probably like clean stuff, yuck!).

She always washes the inside floors about once a week, she's weird! We worry she'll try to wash the yard next...

Or us!


Rambo & Oscar

Monday, April 28, 2008

Note to self

Cannot handle BIG dogs.

I had been on a long bike ride, and returned to find neighbors' LARGE Weinheimer dog wandering in my front yard. Usually, she is a gentle dog -- and she ran over to me, all eager to get petted.

Neighbors aren't home from work, so I thought I'd let her in my backyard in order to prevent her getting lost. Woe is me, because I forgot about Rambo and Oscar coming out of my house into the yard through doggie door.

At first, Weinheimer (Cocoa) just stood there while they sniffed her, and then they all ran around the which point, all @ell broke loose. Rambo tried to attack Cocoa, and then SHE turned on him, and I thought he would be killed! I tried to break it up, but Cocoa was too large and just kept biting at Rambo, practically picking him up in her mouth! I was in the midst of a dog-fight, literally! Then Oscar got in on the fight, and there was vicious barking (even caused dogs in adjacent yards to start barking/howling)!

I finally went to the back door and called Rambo and Oscar to come in, which they did. Obeying for the first time I can remember!!!!

I examined Rambo and Oscar, and they had no breaks in the skin...just lots of dog slobber on them. Good Lord, that was scary!!!!!

Cocoa is still in the backyard, and gentle with ME...but I have mine in the house in their crates until neighbors get home to take Cocoa.

This has been a wake-up call, a lesson: Little dogs are NO match for BIG dogs. Even though Rambo THINKS he is big, he is really small.

Oscar got bitten by a larger neighborhood dog last year when I was at work, because he escaped the backyard fence. It cost me nearly $300.00 to get him well. You think I would have learned my lesson...

But I was just worried Cocoa would get lost since she was loose, and didn't think she was a threat because she's always been gentle. The dog that attacked Oscar was also a female who had pups and got loose occasionally. Cocoa still has two pups but both are supposed to be gone in less than a week. Maybe she's more dangerous due to the pups?

I don't know...but I have learned my lesson: I CANNOT manage a large dog, period.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

For single Ladies & Gents

Are you looking for a mate? For romance? I stumbled across this interesting map, which shows the location of singles nationwide by gender. Blue indicates more men single; red indicates more women single.

Erm, all I can say is...good thing I'm determined to remain single the rest of my life. LOL Prospects look grim indeed in my area of the south for single men. (Too many women = too many good cooks and housekeepers for any man to remain a bachelor!)

Otherwise, life here is peaceful and quiet, beautiful springtime. My renter is moving out at the end of this month, but I am fairly sure I have another one lined up, ready to move in. This is actually an improvement, because the current renter was a reporter from the newspaper and I'd let him have the rental at a discounted rate (as a favor) for six months. He struggled to make the small payment, but always did. He's moving on to another town, a step up to PR work, woot!

Best of all, I can get the going rate for my house rental now: $550.00 per month.

My sister and brother-in-law are in flight (literally) as I write this: they will be spending two weeks touring Europe, ending in Italy to meet their son, my nephew. They tried to get me to go with them, but somehow...I just didn't want to. Maybe someday I'll see Europe -- I'd love to see England and Paris -- but I doubt it. These days I find it near impossible to get out of this town, much less head across the world!

That's it for today!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Started a new blog today

What have I been doing lately? ENJOYING my solitude! Returning to my basic nature of being a loner, and savoring my blissful time for reading, reading, reading! Hence, I started a new blog today for prose passages I'll post as I am reading novels/books.

Here's the URL:
Prose Passages

Yes, after some time regaining MYSELF, MY SOUL, I have reclaimed my identity as a solitary individual. I really HATED working at the newspaper in regards to the amount of daily socializing, not to mention the frequent, non-stop social functions I was supposed to attend. The money/pay is why I did it, as well as simply using my talent for writing. But oh, it was so difficult -- so against my innate nature!

We are having a beautiful spring day, mild temps and sunny. I took the dogs on a long walk earlier, and enjoyed the fresh breeze, seeing people content and working in their yards or flower gardens. It's nice to live at this slower pace, take my time to "smell the roses" and NOT have to live up to others' expectations and/or with the sense of dread I had while working. Life is too short (especially at MY age) to FORCE that kind of existence -- and that is what it is, EXISTING, not living the kind of life I like.

I accepted my nature long ago, back in my early 40s. Fighting it was too hard, too disturbing, too painful. And believe me, I DID try. Living alone was difficult at first, after DH died, but I've grown accustomed to it. In fact, I will venture to guess that MANY widows who do not start dating within two years, or marry within three or four, will never do so. You gradually grow to appreciate the privacy, the pace, the sense of doing things on your own terms -- when and how you wish.

I will admit too there was sometimes a grudging resentment within me for the tasks of being a wife: cooking, cleaning, etc. Perhaps it is the same with the husbands: yard mowing, taking care of the other such chores? The companionship is nice, but if two aren't compatible, that can become a burden over time.

I have dated a few times since I've been a widow. The first few times were about a year after I was widowed. The men were actually nice guys, but left me feeling guilty and wanting to never see them again. And that was just for a brief meeting for coffee. Then this past winter I dated a nice man for about a month, but when he began to pursue "more than just friendship" -- I backed off. The first hint of my own reluctance came when I invited him for a meal here; I began to resent the cooking aspect, and knew where that led. No thanks.

Unfortunately, I find that most men are seeking a romantic relationship, not just a platonic friendship for companionship and outings.

I have my family, and do things occasionally with one of my sisters/brother-in-law.

As times passes, I find that I just don't miss sharing my life with others, not even on this blog. I don't know if that is a sign of maturity, aging, or simply that I have allowed my REAL nature to rule now.

I am not unhappy, mostly just content. Most Americans, I fear, would call this lazy, unambitious, whatever -- but past a certain age, I call endless striving/attaining/frustration just plain stupid and ridiculous.

P.S. Or maybe I'm just burnt out from all the writing I did at the newspaper, and it has taken some time to regenerate and get back to writing what I want to: prose/fiction/poetry (even a journal entry now and then)!?

Thursday, April 10, 2008


Here's a few recent pictures:

Dogwood tree in my backyard

Rambo enjoying the backyard

Oscar on the carport

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Let it be...

I have had a bad habit lately of waking early, lying in bed and worrying. About. Everything. Under. The. Sun.

I worry about continuing my health insurance, getting sick, whether I should look for a full-time job, whether my renter will pay next month's rent, whether the stock market will fall further, blah, blah, blah.

About the ONLY thing I don't worry about is an asterioid hitting the earth or scientists creating a black hole when the new particle accelerator goes online this summer. (Not that the thought hasn't occurred to me though in my rambling, worrying early morning musings!)

This morning I was lying there and finally told myself, "Shut up, just SHUT UP!" I realized I'm worrying my life away and for what? Nothing. Nada. Zip. All my worrying won't change a single thing, no matter how much I torture myself with such thoughts.

I've always been a "worrier" (i.e. shrinkspeak: neurotic), but since DH died, it's gotten worse. At least I could talk to him, worry out loud, and he'd usually tell me how pointless the worrying was. True to life, his death was unexpected, not what I'd EVER worried about in how it happened. Though I spent ceaseless hours engaged in worry about what could happen to him -- accidents, LE death, etc.

After I got out of bed this morning, I just decided I will NOT punish myself with worry anymore. When it starts, I'll just begin a fantasy, or start a storyline, or SOMETHING. Maybe even pick up my current bedside novel, start reading it to occupy my overactive mind!

Lately, there's been a few issues that have contributed to my worry: I found what I thought was an excellent job opportunity as an in-house editor for marketing supplements/alternative health products. The salary was more than I was earning at the newspaper, and there were good benefits. I was asked to write a spec article, the owner liked it, and I was sure I would get the job. However, there was ONE hitch: the company was located 30 miles south of where I live. The drive was over twisted, narrow curvy highways, very dangerous -- and the hours from 8 to 5 would have me on the road during bad traffic times, not to mention the price of gas and damage to my car on pot-hole riddled roads.

Additionally, after I researched the products, I realized this company was making A LOT OF MONEY at perhaps the expense of selling questionable, unproven products promising everything from increasing sex drive to curing heart ailments. Ethically, it might have proven impossible for me -- talk about selling your soul to the devil! (Not that they are doing anything much worse than what the legit pharmaceutical companies are doing by ads in the media that later prove to be exaggerated and/or downright false.)

At any rate, I turned down the interview and decided that was not the position I want. I'm not even sure I want to work a 40-hour week again, maybe just part-time. The money was the main incentive, as it so often is when employment is concerned. Not that I desperately need it, but I've been in such a habit of saving, saving, saving for YEARS, that I can't just live on the pension income and not worry about saving.

Today though, it occurred to me that I have NO REASON to save. Let's face it, if I burn through every cent I have, the pension will still be there -- and to top it all off, the LESS material wealth I have, the better my chances for gov. medical assistance. Am I the ONLY person in the USA who has ever realized the futility of working in such a situation??

So here is my decision: I'm not looking for work. IF a job presents itself that I can't resist, I'll work for awhile. But savings is NOT going to be a goal in the future. Just getting by with what I have each day is the new goal: To enjoy my pets, walk my dogs, read books, surf the net, watch a good a simple, uncomplicated life. (IF only I can!)

I decided on the root canal, had that done last week and it's nice to have that awful toothache remedied. I found a dentist in town that would do the root canal, and he did a good, quick job on it too.

Maybe I should add that a goal is to remain as pain-free as possible as I age -- but I fear that is totally impossible!

Ah, so it goes...and goes...and goes, till it's gone.