My Novels

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Bleak February Days

I've spent the past afternoon and early morning setting up my QuickPad; it's just basically a portable word processor that saves text, and then can be transferred to the computer. Runs off batteries, and has a long battery life. No internet distractions.I have had this for years, and decided to get it working again because I have been tempted to buy a similar processor new to the market: Freewite. However, it is very costly and I  have basically the same thing in this QuickPad: old school, but meant to be distraction-free writing for a rough draft.

Anyway, at least I am writing a blog post. What a horrific week with the school shooting down in Florida (Parkland school). I can't imagine if I'd  had to worry about a nutcase shooting up the school when I was in class (had enough to worry about with the domestic violence in my own home!). I don't usually write about political matters, but I don't think anyone needs an assault weapon that can fire repeatedly in bursts. My opinion is that regardless of the politics, we need a strong gun law preventing sales of weapons that are designed only to kill as many as possible as fast as possible. The shooter in Florida was shooting only a few minutes and killed 17 and wounded 14. THAT is unacceptable in our society.

And then there's the issue of mental illness. We just don't do anything about it, no matter how many are killed. Just like gun control, not happening.

I have to say that I am glad I didn't have children in this extremely violent, angry, nasty society we are living in. Not every country, but frankly, the gun violence is out of control here. Thing is, unless the younger generations step up to the plate and change this, it will only get worse. I don't know what it is going to take to effectively change such an environment, but not the current political climate of meanness and vindictiveness. Sigh.

What else? I am in a writing slump. I got stuck with "Cruel Blue Nowhere" -- can't get the ending right. Have written various endings, but I'm stumped. Never had this happen, and it's caused me to just quit. (Partly why I'm writing on this gadget, just to get some words out there.)

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Saturday Noon

I've been reflecting on why I am not writing, and decided it is partly because I don't want the emotional havoc of fiction. When you create characters, especially characters with conflict and problems (necessary for plot/storyline), then you really are invested emotionally in their lives. A lot like real people, either family or friends. And since I live alone, cherishing solitude, I love the peace that comes with not being deeply invested in other peoples' lives emotionally. Maybe this is why the older you get, at least past 65+, you begin to withdraw from others. Enjoying the peace and calm of life instead of frantic, sometimes futile, emotional turmoil that comes with caring deeply for others. I'm sure this is a component of my difficulty in getting back into fiction writing. Alas, in the past two years I've written several novels, and even one that has sold very well. I still do this, but not sure it's something I want to do on a daily basis. IF I ever finish the novella I'm working on now, I may try writing short stories -- or works of 20,000 words or less. Not as much time/investment as 50,000 word novels. Do writers ever retire?!

I thought about trying to establish correspondence with someone, which would motivate me to at least write. Or perhaps I could try non-fiction and even essays for awhile, something to change the pace? Possibly.

Hate February -- my husband died at the end of this month twelve years ago. Always a pervasive sadness and sense of loss this time of year. And forty-eight years ago my dad also died in the same month. For years our family had nothing but bad events during February, to the extent we called it a family curse. Finally had a run of about ten years when nothing bad happened, then late husband died. Just keeping fingers crossed nothing occurs this year.

Oddly warm so far, strange for February; weather has been a rollercoaster all over the world. Climate change, no doubt.

A few weeks ago, I had an eerie experience. I  walked out on the back-porch around 7:30 and looked up into the overcast sky and saw four circles of light surrounding a bright center light. The four lights would rotate around the center light several times, then merge with the center light. It seemed to be just above the clouds. I live in town, but there's no kind of event with spot-lighting that would have caused that. Completely silent. It went on for at least 45 minutes, and I tried to get a video of it on my cellphone and tablet, but neither would capture it. Anyway, just wanted to make note of that. I have never seen anything like it, although when late husband and I lived at the small farm, I saw strange lights (and streaks of lights) captured by my camera the month before he died. I didn't see those beforehand, rather they showed up in my pictures.

My life, I'm sure, appears boring -- but that translates to content. Have a doctor appointment at the end of the month, the usual tests/medication refills. Then dental checkup and eye exam; really need new glasses! Not looking forward to all that either.

The dogs are thriving, for which I'm glad. I bought senior vitamins and glucosmine treats for Rambo; he's thirteen. I rescued him from the local animal shelter at one year old...a few months after husband died. He is in good health for a senior dog, and I want to keep it that way via nutrition as long as possible.

And with that, I'm outta here.