My Novels

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Tragic News

I don't have much time for this post, but just wanted to let my friends/readers know that my husband died. It was totally unexpected, and we're all still in shock, trying to deal with the funeral arrangements, etc.

Apparently, after the one chemo treatment on Monday (which he said didn't bother him in any way), he had a massive heart attack around 2:00 the next morning. All efforts to save him were unsuccessful and he passed away.

I went to my G.P. on Monday and she gave me medication to help with the situation, and I'm coping now. Otherwise I don't think I'd make it through all this.

I'm very busy, and only here at home for a very short time, since I'm staying with one of my sister's most of the time. The funeral is tomorrow at 1:00, viewing tonight, and he will be cremated -- which was his wishes. There will be LOTS of people attending, since he was well-known and active in the community. I'm hoping to hold up...but I'm sure once all the activity is over I'll have my own emotional pain to deal with.

More when I'm able to write/think at length. Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Worst News EVER!

Unbelievably, DH is now in a large city hospital about to undergo extensive chemotherapy due to having acute leukemia!

Even after the several doctors he'd seen locally, due to bronchitis, his cardiologist, AND the orthopedic team when he broke his toes, NONE realized he had anemia. Can you say: "Incompetent!"

Last Wednesday night DH started having pressure in his chest, and I INSISTED on taking him to the emergency room. Within a short time, the ER doctor did an EKG and blood test, and diagnosed angina AND leukemia. He was sent to a city north of us (where my sister lives) by med-flight, and thus began the WORST days of my life!

My other sister and brother-in-law met us at the ER, and fortunately drove me to the city hospital. I didn't leave for several days, except to get some sleep at my sister's house. DH was in ICU until Friday night. He is stable now, but still has the cough; however, the doctors think he is strong enough to start chemo Monday.

I believe I know what the mysterious "white orb" was trying to tell me in the photo below. One tends to get superstitious after enough weird photos show such phenomenon.

On the other hand, we were told Dh's leukemia has a genetic link, and his father did die of cancer -- as well relatives on both sides of his family. None had leukemia specifically...but nontheless, there is a genetic link to cancer in his family.

I'm devastated. Haven't been able to concentrate, and my acid reflux has returned with a vengence since I've not been eating well. No exercise. I hope I can endure this, but I am not optimistic.

Maybe DH and I both have lived long enough. I guess the coming five weeks will tell, since that his how long he'll be in the hospital having chemo.

My nephew and a couple neighbors are taking care of the miniature horses and my cats. I miss them as well as DH. I'm torn beteewn two places, and miss either one when I'm away.

If I were religious, I'd ask for prayers (which can't hurt)...but I guess I'll just try to muddle through and cope with it the best I can.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Just a few lines in this update regarding what is going on with DH. He finally got to see his cardiologist yesterday and has several tests set up for the end of this week. The doctor told him to stop taking his blood pressure medications, so he will. I worry stopping the beta blocker could cause something serious, but I guess the doctor knows best! I did look up side effects of the two blood pressure medications, Altace and Atenolol, and the last one really can cause some of the symptoms (fatique, dizziness, lack of energy, blurry vision) that DH is having sometimes.

Anyhow, Thursday DH is scheduled for an extensive stress test on the treadmill; Friday he has blood drawn, and next Monday he's supposed to have a sonogram of his heart. None of these tests are invasive, but the stress test takes place over a period of three hours in the doctor's office. I don't think I'll go to any of those, because there shouldn't be any immediate problems during the test. Later, March 2nd, he has an appointment with the cardiologist to get all the results. I suppose the stress test and sonogram can tell the doctor if a dye test is necessary and/or what kind of medication adjustments are necessary. I didn't go to the appointment with him yesterday, but all the test orders were sent in written form too.

DH is still coughing a lot, but one of the side effects of Atenolol AND Plavix is maybe being off the Atenolol will help. And we've also decided no matter WHAT the doctor says, if he doesn't cut down that Lipitor, DH will take half a dosage AFTER these tests are completed. He has really gotten into bad shape; he can't do any kind of activity over ten minutes without having to stop and rest. I sure hope it's not another heart blockage, and I really think it's the meds, but we'll just have to wait and see.

DH is back at work, but will have to take some time off for those tests at the end of the week. We got our income taxes filed, and will get around $3,250.00 back, but had to pay the darn state over $200.00!

Festus and Ginger continue to thrive, and are enjoying the roaming space in the pasture. I still give them treats each day, and usually feed them their portion of grain and hay each day too.

We didn't get much snow, just a few flurries Saturday afternoon and early Sunday morning. North of us there was about an inch of snow, but it missed us.

Today the temperature is about 55 degrees, sunny, and I am planning on washing my kitchen windows later. I hate for those windows to get dirty, since I look out them when in the kitchen.

I'll end this post with another picture of that strange sky last week. In this photo there is another one of those weird orbs -- which looks to be at the far end of the pasture (behind the house) in the woods. I know there may be a technical reason for these orbs, but nevertheless, I find them fascinating and puzzling.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Brief Update & Photos

It's been a stressful week. DH has been home sick with bronchitis, so I've not had much time online or at the computer. He's improving, and will return to work tomorrow until around 2:00, when we have an appointment to get our income tax prepared. Will be glad to get that over with!

We may be in for snow flurries this weekend, but then again, the predictions for snow earlier this week didn't pan out. I'd LOVE to photograph a light snowfall around here; it would create many beautiful pictures. A little dab will do though, NOT a lot of snow -- and NO ice, please!

We've allowed Ginger and Festus to have the front part of the 5-acre pasture and they are blissfully happy now. Between all that space to romp and run (and graze, which they do all day, looking for any small sprig of grass) and being given treats several times a day, they are truly in Miniature Horse Heaven. The other two quarter-horses are in the back half of the pasture, and they all seem to have settled in once acquainted, though still separated by fences.

Enjoying the pasture!

Ms. Pretty looking...pretty!

Snapped this weird sight on our Sunday drive.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Younger Generation Thoughts

Sometimes I read the newsgroups, and I found an interesting message from a member of the younger generation in America tonight. An older person had said that they didn't know how the younger folks survived in our current society...and this is what the younger one answered:

I don't know how any of us survive in today's world either. This society is so hideous, so cruel, so oppressive.

But, the balance will be rectified soon, I believe. We have produced a society here that is full of idiots who cannot digest even the most basic of facts. They live in a cotton-candy fantasy world, with nothing to keep their pulse going except empty-headed materialism. They consume and they consume, proving Agent Smith correct that the human organism is not a mammal, but a virus. The more wealth they produce, the more ignorant they become. We are one of the few societies in history that has managed to produce riches beyond the dreams of avarice, yet managed to get progressively more and more ignorant as time goes by. We don't care so long as our stomachs are full, bellies fat, and SUVs full of gas.

These people, who know nothing, are then given the right to vote. The intelligent and the stupid are given an equal say about matters of policy. As a result, the policies are, surprisingly, unintelligent and extremely stupid. Body builders get elected as governor of a state that is larger than most countries, and an illiterate yob is made President. A crusading policy has been set in place, and now we proceed to go enlighten the world while we know nothing about it, and have produced one of the most unenlightened, spiritually vapid, and cruel societies on Earth. We find that nobody wants our "enlightenment," and everybody fights us tooth in nail, and we arrogantly lie back and yawningly proclaim, "They hate us because of our freedom."

On the other side of the world, we and the European societies have spent the past few centuries destroying all the rest of the world, producing volcanoes of wrath everywhere that we have gone. We decided to pillage Iran for several decades, support a violent, militarist dictatorship that impoverished the country, and now that same place is ruled by religious fundamentalists who decided to throw out the militarist dictatorship, replacing one type of tyranny with another. Then, in the 90s, it seemed that things might be ok there, that cooler heads had prevailed, but the illiterate yob in the White House had to rattle his sabres and prattle on like a ninny about an axis of evil, and now those cool heads are gone and the Theo-Nazis are back in power, struggling to get nuclear weapons, and intent upon provoking a nuclear holocaust at all costs, in order to hasten the return of their lost Twelfth Imam. Eventually the fanatics, in some place or another, will get their weapons of mass destruction (which we invented, our gift to the world), and then...boom. All the stupidity, all the empty-headed nonsensical materialism, the whole order, will be laid to dust.

What's left of the legion of fools will be helpless without their cell phones, their SUVs, or their Fox News to tell them what to think. Most likely, they will simply be consumed by the animals. Years of Taco Bell and Burger King has done nothing but fatten them up for the slaughter, making them too stupid and too sedated to escape. The beasts make the checkmate.

The long, dark night is beginning, I think.

Oh my, I do often think this way myself. And even IF life continues on unabated, I believe this "younger generation" will curse their parents for what they've left them with. Dare I say I'm sooo glad I didn't have children who would inherit the whirlwind?

Nope, I just rescue mistreated animals. That's almost enough to keep me living...but on my darker days, not even that is enough. In fact, just the opposite: I cannot tolerate the horrible cruelty that is in human nature. Ugly. Nasty. Abusers. Killers. All the lot of us. Maybe we deserve our own self-destruction?

Ah well, such are my darker thoughts.

For now, I will end this rant with a photo I took one afternoon recently. The sky looked very strange as rain clouds moved out and cold front came in...