October 18th
Yesterday afternoon I met with a physical therapist; she said I would start therapy on my back soon. That's welcome news! Maybe I can get my back problems eased, need more strength & movement. My back pain has returned full-force since being here; the liquor did relieve the muscle tension and strain.
It's 7:00 AM and I'm already up and dressed (as usual here). Ready for breakfast and coffee! Everyone hurries to the dining room to get the first table, which gets coffee first! Think I'll ask for cereal this morning, tired of eggs/bacon/gravy/biscuits. God knows how much I've gained eating this food. I'll diet when I get home.
Will see what today brings.
Later, 10:00 AM
There's a feeling, intuition, instinct...whatever, that I've always had: it is my fate to die by suicide. I've felt this way from the time I can remember learning about death, but have never expressed it to anyone.
Karma perhaps? Not sure.
I remember reading about Gary Gilmore's demons, how he'd always felt an old, cold mustiness surrounding him, hearing the creaking wheels of time approaching, an ancient doom that he would be executed. Did he cause it to happen or was it fated to happen?
In other news, a new man came in last night; he's across the room from me. Dick seems confused, combative, maybe dementia. He doesn't look real old though, more like 60s. Middle of the night, aids were wrestling with him and all manner of noise/confusion woke me. He's quarrelsome, in a fancy wheelchair that he can roll up and down the halls.
Lastly, Ruth sat with me at breakfast and we had a long talk. Said she'd been living with her 50-year-old-son who has had a mild stroke. She loves cats, has several and feeds strays. Says she'd like to go to nursing home so she'd have company, but doesn't know if her family will agree. Used to work in a school lunchroom.
I felt better this morning and actually opened the curtains in my room!
Terrible thunderstorm last night, woke me up. Hope my grand-niece put cat-porch windows down. And no tree branches fell in the backyard.
There I go again: worry, worry, worry...
Sitting the hallway with Julie, (regarding exercise) she said , "The only thing I can run is my mouth!" LOL
Social worker conducted group therapy...always on topic of more socializing, make friends, get out more, blah, blah, blah...
Don't see that happening with me, since I like my solitude.
Around 1:30
Ate lunch at the table with Dick; he has Alzheimer's disease, but occasionally lucid moments when he makes sense. He's the only one here with that condition; all the rest are elderly but mentally alert.
Dick is truly a sad case.
Insurance clerk finally caught up with me...had to explain how to file with my insurance. I'll be lucky to get out of this under $10,000.00 due to high deductibles. Sigh.
Did my 10 laps up and down the hallway.
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