Before I get to the journal entries for today, let me warn readers that I was going through a bad time with depression. Partly from the alcohol withdrawal, and partly because I'd been suffering from depression long before I began drinking.
I do improve, but the first few days were difficult.
October 15th journal entry:
Woke again today with a dark depression...crying and sad. I sit at the breakfast table and cry, tears run down my face as I try to eat.
There's a couple group therapy sessions, morning/afternoon; all the residents have to attend, but I have hardly listened. Mostly about positive thinking, etc.
Today a nurse asked if I felt suicidal and I said yes. Later she brought a contract to sign saying I would not self-harm while here. I don't know how anyone could since they've proofed for anti-suicide.
Then the male psychiatrist came by, reminding me that he told me I'd be depressed for several days after being off liquor. And they are giving me different meds, experimenting with anti-depression drugs to see which ones help me most.
Lastly, a social worker came in my room and talked a long time with me about getting better. She said when I'm released I should go to AA meetings and I'd have a follow-up therapist. That helps me feel better, because I know I can't do this alone.
We'll see, I guess. Sister may visit tomorrow.
October 16th, Tuesday
Just had a visit with both my sisters; it was good to see them.
M. said she had the dogs groomed, and the vet there said they were due for a couple vaccinations However, she told him I'd take care of it back here with my vet. I'd forgotten any were due.
Before sisters arrived, I was lying on my bed wondering if I'm in the right place with all these elderly seniors (75+), mostly disabled or with signs of dementia. Should I have chosen a rehab with younger people? Don't know.
I do still have suicidal thoughts.
Note: I was too depressed to write a lot during those days. I would stay in my room, thinking or reading. I found a couple of novels in the library, tried to get suicide off my mind. Reading these entries, it's as if I didn't even notice the individuals there much, too preoccupied.