I finally, finally was creative late yesterday afternoon. Poems, poems, poems! I'd forgotten just how delicious it is to create poetry, how it seems to come from somewhere you can't explain. Quite an experience.
Still lots of rain/storms in Dixie today. Not much to write about, so I'm going to post my latest poetry. Enjoy!
The Pier
There you stood
In your misspent youth
Cool-hand Luke handsome;
An arrogant, criminal grin
On your thin, angular face
Mischief in your sky-blue eyes,
Wind in your wavy blond hair,
A tall, lanky man on a pier--
Behind you, the endless vista
Of south Florida ocean.
Captured forever in a picture
I once seen in your sister's collection
(My favorite of you)
Tangible proof of your charisma
Held in my trembling hands
Touched and caressed
By my adoring gaze.
Oh what I'd give now
To own that photo
To touch, to kiss, to hold
With reverential memory,
And know you were once
So real I could taste
The essence of your existence...
Gone, lost to that distant past
Proof I'll never know again
Such love in this bleak lifetime.
~~~~
Precious Past
Vanished, but still I'm haunted
By your melancholy song
A man too charismatic
To ever be so real.
I know you are dead
Lying in a cold stone tomb
Or ashes scattered and lost,
But your memory is still here
Deep in my aching heart.
How could you be dead
When I've loved you so long?
How could you leave life
Without even saying goodbye
To your own kindred soul?
You know I always missed you
(I loved you more than life)
And I always waited
Patiently for your arrival
To take me far away
From dull, ordinary reality.
You went alone anyway
To a sweet oblivion.
I can never forgive you
For that betrayal
--Leaving without me!
~~~~
Blocked
For so long I could not write
I only saw your penetrating eyes
Haunted by a lover lost, you,
But now I know
Your absence is beyond
The realm of my understanding,
And my deepest loss
Was far back in the past
When I was still youthful
Enough to be naïve, hopeful
That life had meaning,
And you could reach out
To me, caress my kisses
Return gladly to my arms...
But you are gone,
Forever lost back there
Somewhere
In a sweet yesteryear.
We failed to grasp the moment
And let time cheat us
Of a love so intense
It killed our passionate hearts.
~~~~~
Ashes
There will be ashes over us all
In time's burnt-out sun
When all we humans have done
Becomes meaningless, useless.
There will be no shadows
Of our human loss,
An earth barren as dust,
And none of us will matter
For time will be done, gone,
The trivial quest of humanity
A joke, a jest, an eccentricity
And our ignorant arrogance
That life was somehow important
Will have ended in nothingness.
My Novels
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
It has become sweltering hot here today! Near 88, thick humidity...too much like dead of summer in the South. We had an outbreak of storms, tornado warnings before noon, but then hot sunshine, warm wind. I went on my bike ride around one o'clock, and got sweaty! Fortunately though, I did have the park trail all to myself, and it's mostly shaded.
Yesterday at the dentist proved one of those weird experiences, where you learn stuff you don't really want to know from the dental technician. In this case, the tech is a mid-30s woman, and over the past couple of years, I've learned her whole life history and current circumstances. She talks while you have your mouth propped open, and all you can do is grunt in reply. You learn a lot, and I guess it's therapy for her, but sometimes I disagree with her assumptions and simply cannot respond.
For example, a couple years ago she and her husband 'bought' one of those Chinese babies. That may seem harsh criticism, but frankly, why didn't they adopt a child here in the USA? I mean, sure, they may have had to take an older child, or one with special needs, or even one that had come from an abusive home...but they are supposed to be "good Christians" (their Baptist church helps set up the Chinese adoptions!), so why not look for a child that is truly needy? But no, what they wanted was a pristine newborn, a baby, so they could take the easier path to parenthood. She is a diabetic, so I assume she didn't want to have a child; her husband was married before, and already has two kids. At any rate, I've had to sit there through all the trials and tribulations of her saga of buying the Chinese baby, when I so often just wanted to tell her how utterly disgusting I find that whole thing when there are SO MANY children right here in the USA in need of good homes.
Then yesterday she got called to the phone right in the middle of my cleaning; had my teeth in the process of cleansing with that gritty stuff. The daycare was calling, wanted to know why her husband was late in picking up the Chinese kid. Another kid raised in childcare, which makes you wonder about whether this kid will turn out to be a normal person or not. I was nearly ready to gag by the time she finally got back! Ladies, here's a clue: If you are going to work, for goodness sakes, DO NOT commit such offenses. Or better yet, stay at home with the kid till it's in first grade! Or how about this: Why have kids at all? IF you want a job/career, leave the child-bearing/raising to women who can afford to stay home and be mothers! Or marry a man who is willing to stay home and be a house-husband. Personally, I DO NOT have any patience for your parenting roles IF I'm paying for your job performance!!
To top all this off, the tech starts telling me about a woman from their church who took an overdose of pills the previous night. I did manage to ask the woman's age: 33; and if she was divorced or something, to trigger the suicide attempt. Turns out the woman's husband had been in an awful motorcycle wreck several months back, and was paralyzed from the neck down. No wonder the poor woman tried to kill herself. She was probably getting all kinds of crappy guilt trips among the church people, saying things like, "God never puts more on us than we can bear." And all that made her feel MORE guilty for not being strong enough to handle the burden alone. So instead of seeking some REAL help, as in counseling and/or someone to come in and give her a little relief from the workload, she probably felt backed into a corner, with no way out EXCEPT suicide. Then the tech has the nerve to say to me, "You know, Satan whispers all these evil thoughts into our minds when we're weak..." I felt like slapping some sense into her, but instead, I just grunted. Such is what life is like, living in the Bible-belt South.
I think people want to make sense out of life, and this is WHY religion was created. But it is downright scary to hear stuff like that, where they try to twist everything into a sick version of either God or Satan or Bible-babble for an explanation. In fact, I have always considered it dangerous and a threat to rational reasoning...and the real possibility of human extinction via religious violence. There's not a dime's worth of difference between radical, extremist Islam and rabid Christianity, in my opinion. I have faced the truth a long time ago: LIFE makes no sense whatsoever. It's full of contradictions, bad and good stuff happening randomly, etc. Only in fiction does life makes some sort of sense, but as we all know, fiction is NOT reality! Unfortunately, religious crazies take the Bible for literal truth.
And now I'll close with this ditty about GW's legacy thus far (found on the net):
In the three years George W. Bush has been in office, we've had the biggest annual deficit in US history. We've had the most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period in US history. We've had the biggest drop in the history of the stock market. We've had the most foreclosures in any 12-month period in US history. In his first two years in office, over two million Americans lost their jobs; simultaneously, he's cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any president in US history. He's the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt while in office.
He's the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. In his first year in office, he set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. He's also set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in US history. He's appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. He's held the least amount of press conferences than any president since the invention of television. He's signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history. Members of Bush's cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. He's the all-time world record holder for most corporate campaign donations. He has the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history. He's spent more money on focus groups than any president in US history.
He set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest an individual person (15 million people). He's dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. He's the first president in US history to order an attack of a sovereign nation. He's the first president in US history to prompt the United Nations to remove the US from the human rights commission. He's the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections). With his policy of 'disengagement,' he's created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least thirty years. He's the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71 percent) view a US president as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. He's the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by North Korea.
And last but certainly not least, he's revoked more civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
And he still has over a year left in office.
=====
Now that IS scary! And we all know he's a religious crazy, so anything is liable to happen. :-(
Yesterday at the dentist proved one of those weird experiences, where you learn stuff you don't really want to know from the dental technician. In this case, the tech is a mid-30s woman, and over the past couple of years, I've learned her whole life history and current circumstances. She talks while you have your mouth propped open, and all you can do is grunt in reply. You learn a lot, and I guess it's therapy for her, but sometimes I disagree with her assumptions and simply cannot respond.
For example, a couple years ago she and her husband 'bought' one of those Chinese babies. That may seem harsh criticism, but frankly, why didn't they adopt a child here in the USA? I mean, sure, they may have had to take an older child, or one with special needs, or even one that had come from an abusive home...but they are supposed to be "good Christians" (their Baptist church helps set up the Chinese adoptions!), so why not look for a child that is truly needy? But no, what they wanted was a pristine newborn, a baby, so they could take the easier path to parenthood. She is a diabetic, so I assume she didn't want to have a child; her husband was married before, and already has two kids. At any rate, I've had to sit there through all the trials and tribulations of her saga of buying the Chinese baby, when I so often just wanted to tell her how utterly disgusting I find that whole thing when there are SO MANY children right here in the USA in need of good homes.
Then yesterday she got called to the phone right in the middle of my cleaning; had my teeth in the process of cleansing with that gritty stuff. The daycare was calling, wanted to know why her husband was late in picking up the Chinese kid. Another kid raised in childcare, which makes you wonder about whether this kid will turn out to be a normal person or not. I was nearly ready to gag by the time she finally got back! Ladies, here's a clue: If you are going to work, for goodness sakes, DO NOT commit such offenses. Or better yet, stay at home with the kid till it's in first grade! Or how about this: Why have kids at all? IF you want a job/career, leave the child-bearing/raising to women who can afford to stay home and be mothers! Or marry a man who is willing to stay home and be a house-husband. Personally, I DO NOT have any patience for your parenting roles IF I'm paying for your job performance!!
To top all this off, the tech starts telling me about a woman from their church who took an overdose of pills the previous night. I did manage to ask the woman's age: 33; and if she was divorced or something, to trigger the suicide attempt. Turns out the woman's husband had been in an awful motorcycle wreck several months back, and was paralyzed from the neck down. No wonder the poor woman tried to kill herself. She was probably getting all kinds of crappy guilt trips among the church people, saying things like, "God never puts more on us than we can bear." And all that made her feel MORE guilty for not being strong enough to handle the burden alone. So instead of seeking some REAL help, as in counseling and/or someone to come in and give her a little relief from the workload, she probably felt backed into a corner, with no way out EXCEPT suicide. Then the tech has the nerve to say to me, "You know, Satan whispers all these evil thoughts into our minds when we're weak..." I felt like slapping some sense into her, but instead, I just grunted. Such is what life is like, living in the Bible-belt South.
I think people want to make sense out of life, and this is WHY religion was created. But it is downright scary to hear stuff like that, where they try to twist everything into a sick version of either God or Satan or Bible-babble for an explanation. In fact, I have always considered it dangerous and a threat to rational reasoning...and the real possibility of human extinction via religious violence. There's not a dime's worth of difference between radical, extremist Islam and rabid Christianity, in my opinion. I have faced the truth a long time ago: LIFE makes no sense whatsoever. It's full of contradictions, bad and good stuff happening randomly, etc. Only in fiction does life makes some sort of sense, but as we all know, fiction is NOT reality! Unfortunately, religious crazies take the Bible for literal truth.
And now I'll close with this ditty about GW's legacy thus far (found on the net):
In the three years George W. Bush has been in office, we've had the biggest annual deficit in US history. We've had the most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period in US history. We've had the biggest drop in the history of the stock market. We've had the most foreclosures in any 12-month period in US history. In his first two years in office, over two million Americans lost their jobs; simultaneously, he's cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any president in US history. He's the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt while in office.
He's the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. In his first year in office, he set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. He's also set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in US history. He's appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. He's held the least amount of press conferences than any president since the invention of television. He's signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history. Members of Bush's cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. He's the all-time world record holder for most corporate campaign donations. He has the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history. He's spent more money on focus groups than any president in US history.
He set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest an individual person (15 million people). He's dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. He's the first president in US history to order an attack of a sovereign nation. He's the first president in US history to prompt the United Nations to remove the US from the human rights commission. He's the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections). With his policy of 'disengagement,' he's created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least thirty years. He's the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71 percent) view a US president as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. He's the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by North Korea.
And last but certainly not least, he's revoked more civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
And he still has over a year left in office.
=====
Now that IS scary! And we all know he's a religious crazy, so anything is liable to happen. :-(
Monday, May 05, 2003
I haven't entered an update in several days, just haven't had time or been in the mood. Yes, bad moods DO prevent my writing in this journal sometimes.
Nothing really bad to cause my blues; I just have them occasionally. I still haven't put out the bulletins about pet sitting, but do have the flyers ready. I may do that in the next few days.
Over the weekend I rode my bike only Saturday afternoon; yesterday, Sunday, DH and I looked at another place out in the country. It's another foreclosure, with a fairly nice house and 16 acres. We're waiting to find out the price sometimes today. It is a lovely place, somewhat private but on a blacktop highway and not as isolated as the house/property at the dead end of a dirt road we had previously been thinking of buying. That place, unfortunately, is still tied up with the mortgage companies, and not yet available. The 16 acres are absolutely PERFECT for horses, which DH has. All of it is in open pasture, a big, pretty pond, and grass ready for the horses to chow down on. The house needs some work...but not a lot. Mostly it depends on the price, whether we get serious with this or not.
I have a dental appointment at 1:00 today, just a routine cleaning. Not my favorite thing to do!
It's stormy/rainy here, and we're under a tornado watch till around 7:00 tonight. I hope the worst of it misses us, unlike those unfortunate folks in the midwest who had horrible tornado damage and deaths last night. Tornadoes are serious threats here in the South too.
I am reading a book of essays by southern writers on why they write. Very inspiring. Makes me want to get back into my fiction writing again, and I may just do that. It was a wonderful escapist world while it lasted.
I did write a poem last night, and will post it here. However, be warned: it's grim, and one of the reasons I don't write much anymore. My work is just so depressing now. Why? Mainly because the older I get, the sillier humanity seems; and the whole shebang/human existence seems sheer folly and pointless. Not a pretty picture, huh?
Here's the poem:
The Door
Where is the door
To exit this human dream,
To escape the flesh of doom?
You know it is insane!
Where is the door
To leave this awful universe
Of suffering and suicidal swirl?
You know it is a farce!
Where is the door
I can't endure the crush
Of physical reality anymore;
Please, please tell me,
Where is the door
To escape this human world?
Pardon me if I go,
I don't want to be here anymore.
=====
That's all for today.
Nothing really bad to cause my blues; I just have them occasionally. I still haven't put out the bulletins about pet sitting, but do have the flyers ready. I may do that in the next few days.
Over the weekend I rode my bike only Saturday afternoon; yesterday, Sunday, DH and I looked at another place out in the country. It's another foreclosure, with a fairly nice house and 16 acres. We're waiting to find out the price sometimes today. It is a lovely place, somewhat private but on a blacktop highway and not as isolated as the house/property at the dead end of a dirt road we had previously been thinking of buying. That place, unfortunately, is still tied up with the mortgage companies, and not yet available. The 16 acres are absolutely PERFECT for horses, which DH has. All of it is in open pasture, a big, pretty pond, and grass ready for the horses to chow down on. The house needs some work...but not a lot. Mostly it depends on the price, whether we get serious with this or not.
I have a dental appointment at 1:00 today, just a routine cleaning. Not my favorite thing to do!
It's stormy/rainy here, and we're under a tornado watch till around 7:00 tonight. I hope the worst of it misses us, unlike those unfortunate folks in the midwest who had horrible tornado damage and deaths last night. Tornadoes are serious threats here in the South too.
I am reading a book of essays by southern writers on why they write. Very inspiring. Makes me want to get back into my fiction writing again, and I may just do that. It was a wonderful escapist world while it lasted.
I did write a poem last night, and will post it here. However, be warned: it's grim, and one of the reasons I don't write much anymore. My work is just so depressing now. Why? Mainly because the older I get, the sillier humanity seems; and the whole shebang/human existence seems sheer folly and pointless. Not a pretty picture, huh?
Here's the poem:
The Door
Where is the door
To exit this human dream,
To escape the flesh of doom?
You know it is insane!
Where is the door
To leave this awful universe
Of suffering and suicidal swirl?
You know it is a farce!
Where is the door
I can't endure the crush
Of physical reality anymore;
Please, please tell me,
Where is the door
To escape this human world?
Pardon me if I go,
I don't want to be here anymore.
=====
That's all for today.
Friday, May 02, 2003
As usual, my day has been busy. Normal morning, bike ride (lucky to get in park alone), housework, cat care, etc.
I did at last get my ink for my printer, and can hopefully print out a few flyers to post around town about my pet sitting work. I will try to do that tomorrow morning, and take those to various places to post. Don't know if I'll get any clients, but I am going to at least TRY.
Also updated my photo album with the cemetery pictures and created a new folder for Stray Cats. I feed quite a few regular city stray cats here, but rarely see most of them. However, occasionally some do stop by long enough to get photos. One is a regular: Old Fellow. He is somewhat tame, but I KNOW he's a stray due to his looks/health. Most of the regulars are male, but one is female -- she gets in heat, but never becomes pregnant. And as Martha Stewart would say, "It's good thing." Enough unwanted cats now in the city. But I feed every day, keep out fresh water and dry food. When I see Old Fellow or the other males, who sometimes lounge around my backyard, I put out some can food for them. Only Old Fellow and the female tabby will allow me to touch them. I hope to get more pictures in the future of other strays, if I can.
I'll end today with this quote: "There is a conundrum inherent in the arts, no matter what the medium or when in history - namely, artists have always been forced to band together to a certain extent, since the arts has always been an underground activity and most artists can't make it without the help of their peers. But artists are notorious for hating each other, mostly because of the combination of egotism and dysfunction inherent to most people who choose to attempt the arts for a living." --Jason Pettus
Till tomorrow or next time...
I did at last get my ink for my printer, and can hopefully print out a few flyers to post around town about my pet sitting work. I will try to do that tomorrow morning, and take those to various places to post. Don't know if I'll get any clients, but I am going to at least TRY.
Also updated my photo album with the cemetery pictures and created a new folder for Stray Cats. I feed quite a few regular city stray cats here, but rarely see most of them. However, occasionally some do stop by long enough to get photos. One is a regular: Old Fellow. He is somewhat tame, but I KNOW he's a stray due to his looks/health. Most of the regulars are male, but one is female -- she gets in heat, but never becomes pregnant. And as Martha Stewart would say, "It's good thing." Enough unwanted cats now in the city. But I feed every day, keep out fresh water and dry food. When I see Old Fellow or the other males, who sometimes lounge around my backyard, I put out some can food for them. Only Old Fellow and the female tabby will allow me to touch them. I hope to get more pictures in the future of other strays, if I can.
I'll end today with this quote: "There is a conundrum inherent in the arts, no matter what the medium or when in history - namely, artists have always been forced to band together to a certain extent, since the arts has always been an underground activity and most artists can't make it without the help of their peers. But artists are notorious for hating each other, mostly because of the combination of egotism and dysfunction inherent to most people who choose to attempt the arts for a living." --Jason Pettus
Till tomorrow or next time...
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