Valentine's Day Poem

Mad Girl's Love Song

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;

I lift my lids and all is born again.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,

And arbitrary blackness gallops in:

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed

And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:

Exit seraphim and Satan's men:

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,

But I grow old and I forget your name.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;

At least when spring comes they roar back again.

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

---By Sylvia Plath (One of my all-time favorite poets!)

A Red Balloon

What is new?

Nothing much here. It's that time of year when you want to crawl into solitude, hibernate like the bears.

Though I walk the dogs every day, otherwise I stay indoors and contemplate spring -- my favorite season. It can't get here soon enough for me.

I have finalized the plot where my and late husband's ashes will be buried. Right beside my dear grandmother in the cemetery on land deeded to the church by my great-uncle. I still haven't planned the memorial for myself, but will as soon as the funeral home representative gets over shingles.
She's had a hard time: first she had to have emergency gallbladder surgery. And then she came down with shingles. At any rate, I will be glad to get the details of my cremation/memorial set, and put it out of my mind. One less thing my family will have to do after my death.

Now I want to close with a poem I've always felt describes why abused and/or impoverished children (including myself) never really escape what has happened to them in childhood.

Tragedy

I always wanted a red balloon,
It only cost a dime,
But Ma said it was risky,
They broke so quickly
And besides, she didn't have time;
And even if she did, she didn't
Think they were worth a dime.
We lived on a farm, and I only went
To one circus and fair,
And all the balloons I ever saw
Were there.
There were yellow ones and blue ones,
But the kind I liked best
Were red and I don't see why
She couldn't have stopped and said
That maybe I could have one --
But she didn't -- I suppose that now
You can buy them anywheres,
And that they still sell red ones
At circuses and fairs.
I got a little money saved;
I got a lot of time,
I got no one to tell me how to spend my dime;
Plenty of balloons -- but somehow
There's something died inside of me,
And I don't want one -- now.

                            --Jill Spargur

Rainy Day

Not much to write about, just another rainy day. Actually we had some serious storms roll through around dawn, but I slept through it all. Fortunately there was no damage in the city, or my neighborhood due to the high winds.

Rambo is lying in my lap; I've learned to type around him!

I now have three novels at Amazon.com for the Kindle e-reader. I may put a couple more there when I'm finished editing. Decided might as well offer those at a very low price,  99 cents, or free if you are a member of Amazon Prime. And they should also be available for lending via that website. Better than keeping the novels on my hard-drive. There's a link in the right side-bar.

I still haven't finalized my pre-planning for a memorial; the lady I'd been working with had to have emergency gallbladder surgery...and now she's come down with shingles! I'm not in a hurry though because I haven't settled an issue at the cemetery where I want my and late husband's ashes buried. I'm in the process of working that out with the care-taker; the cemetery land was given by my great-uncle, with the stipulation any family members could have free plots. I'd like our ashes put beside my grandmother, and maybe just a small flat stone with our names & birth/death dates.

What else? Nice visit with my sister and brother-in-law on Monday. While he went to the golf course, we drove to that cemetery and talked with the care-taker. I drove my car, and on the way home, turned on the air conditioner. It had been blowing cool air, but not getting cold. Anyhow, after a few miles we smelled something like burning rubber! I shut off the air conditioner, and it stopped. Brother-in-law looked under the hood later, and said he thinks the air conditioner compressor is shot. It'd cost a lot to replace, so I'm considering trading the car in on a newer model. I've been looking at the Toyota Prius, seriously interested. Just so I find another car before hot weather starts -- which could be as early as March here. Sigh.

I'll close with one of my favorite quotes about art/artists:

It's a love that can never be satisfied, more like a yearning. Addressing a powerful & constant state of yearning that torments, yet artists love that torment. Need it. Because they understand that being able to feel this yearning so exquisitely is a secret strength. This is the power of the artist.

If you are an artist you learn how to trap the yearning & put it where you want it, put  it where it goes. That's the secret all true artists come to know.

That is the redemptive power of art. It can make something haunting and beautiful out of something that, in real life, was painful and degrading.

--From "The Finishing School" By Gail Godwin
                                                   

Quest for Destiny, my e-novel

Just a brief post today to announce my e-book on Amazon.com. I'd had it ready for a couple months, just hadn't actually hit the "publish" button. I went over and over and over the manuscript, editing, checking for errors, etc. While I cannot say it's perfect, it's as near as I can get it.

Here's a description of "Quest for Destiny":
Set in a fictional area near the picturesque, historic Cades Cove region of the Smoky Mountains in the 1980s, this romantic suspense novel centers around the theme of reincarnated lovers from the American Civil War Era. The male character has been regressed by hypnosis, knows the past tragic history; he is seeking the woman who has been reborn in this lifetime as his soul mate. When he finds her, the two begin a beautiful romance only to learn they are being plunged back into almost the same dangerous fate that once took their lives prematurely in another time and place. 

Direct link: Quest for Destiny  

I wrote that novel in the 80s. It was published in the late 90s by a small e-book publisher and available at Barnes & Noble online store. However, the publisher eventually went out of business and I retained copyright. I had many reader comments back then, mostly women who compared it to a romance series by a major publishing house. I suppose I should have sent the manuscript to agents, but my strong suit was never trying to get published! 

No rain here yet. Overcast, dreary but dry. I went to grocery store early, picked up some food items. My low back is killing me today; I must have strained it somehow, will take time to get back to normal. No dog walk. Sigh.

Finally a couple quotes about writing:

"...Not listen  to the didactic statements of the author, but to the low, calling cries of the characters, as they wander in the dark woods of their destiny." --D.H. Lawrence

"Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those who do not write...can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic and fear inherent in the human condition."  --Graham Green