My Novels

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Still alive...

Just a few lines to let everyone know I'm still alive...but struggling. Fortunately for me my doctor prescribed some antidepressants as well as something to calm my nerves or I doubt I could have made it through all the turmoil/pain of the past week.

The service was special, and the turnout of the community in praise of my DH's lifetime service was especially gratifying. Seeing so many people whose lives he'd touched helped me get through the viewing and funeral.

I miss him awfully; life will NEVER be the same. Sudden death has its own dictates and I'm just going through the motions right now. There's a MOUNTAIN of paperwork to muddle through, and that is taking a lot of time/concentration.

Additionally, my sisters/family/friends haven't left me alone very much. I've managed to spend the last couple of nights at home alone -- and frankly, it was good to relax and BE ALONE. I love my family and I KNOW I couldn't have managed without them, but sometimes one just needs a little alone time.

Tomorrow my sister is coming to spend another night; she spent the whole weekend with me too. We have a few plans, plus I'm still hoping to get the death certificate sometimes this week and start procedures for various legal issues related to death of a spouse.

One problem is that people DH did horse/trailer business with (as a hobby) keep stopping by asking if they can buy this or that; we have a LOT of valuable equipment, etc. around here, and I just am NOT in the mood to explain to them I'm NOT ready to sell ANYTHING. Family is urging me to move back to the city, but I don't know if I really want to or not. Mainly right now I'm CONFUSED and don't want to do anything impulsive I might regret later.

Today I finally managed to buy Ginger; I gave a little more than her owner wanted, but at least she's MINE now! Taking care of my two miniatures and the cats is one of my lifesavers during this time.

Here's a couple pictures I took late this afternoon -- the first time I picked up a camera since DH died.

Heading in to get their sweet feed

Wandering tomcat takes a break on my barn ledge

Thanks to all who have made caring comments, and I appreciate so much the sentiments. I hope to write more here when time permits, but in the meantime, please know I'm coping -- albeit sometimes with much difficulty.

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