Good luck & bad luck...

That seems to have been the theme of my life this past week: some things fell into my lap by coincidence (although when that happens while working on a writing project, I often think it's almost supernatural) and bad things as well.

First the good luck: The house where I grew up is still a renter house in a block of row houses. I bike past it almost every day, and already had a picture of the outside for my memoir, but now it's empty. At first the door was locked, but then painters started working inside -- and the other afternoon as I biked by there, I saw the door was ajar. I checked, and the door was unlocked. The reason I didn't ask to go inside, while painters were there, is that I wasn't sure what kind of emotional reaction I would have -- had never been back inside that place since I was eighteen, and moved mother and the girls out; I wanted to be alone when I saw it. Anyway, I hurried home, got my camera and drove my car back to the house. I must have taken 30 or more pictures of the inside of the vacant house! Talk about haunted, I had vivid flashbacks of so, so many horrors lived in that house! But I kept an objectivity as a photographer, and got pictures of everything...especially certain views that captured volatile, violent episodes in our lives.

The one of the backdoor, curtain pulled aside, is especially evocative: One time daddy left on a trip (he was a truckdriver) and then near dusk, he suddenly appeared at that backdoor. His eyes were wild, glazed (probably on benny pills/liquor) and called me, in a whisper, to come to him. He said he was going to kill us all, and showed me a gun. That'd he sneaked back to check up on mother (he was always convinced she was cheating on him, paranoid no doubt)...and thus began one of the scariest nights of my life. Suffice to say, it took considerable persuasion to convince him NOT to kill us, and instead take us to my paternal grandparents' house.

Anyhow, I can use these photos (in sepia) with my memoir -- which I'm still submitting. Have had a few nibbles about publication, and the pix will greatly help.

The bad luck: Looks like my washer is toast. I happened to check on it the other day since it sounded odd -- and found a small pool on the utility floor! Spent hours soaking, mopping up the mess. I think the lint filter (which was full of lint) may have caused this problem, and it did pump the remainder of the water out after I cleaned that. I just haven't been willing to test it yet, since I don't feel like mopping up water again. This set was here when I bought the house, and both are high quality but old. If the washer is history, I'll buy a new set at Lowe's, have them delivered and installed. I asked at Lowe's today, and they will take away the old set.

Mother is not doing well -- and my sister and bro-in-law with whom she lives, apparently have reached the limit of their coping ability. They are trying to get mother back into the nursing home, but finding there's as much red tape this time as the first time. Had they left her there then, mother would have been settled in and have had better 24/7 care. Home health is NOT a substitute for institutional care, not at all. I would say, "I told you so," cause I did -- told all of them, wrote it here in this blog. Hey, though, live and learn, huh?

I mowed my backyard the other morning, and had no problems. Still one of the dirtest jobs on earth though! Ugh. I do love the electric weedeater though. I wrote to the company that makes electric rechargable battery push mowers, Neuton, and suggested they come out with a small electric riding mower with rechargable batteries. They respsonded, and thanked me for my input; said it helped them decide what products to offer in the future. I predict whoever comes out with such a riding mower will make a quick fortune!

I've also been trying to decide on an estate lawyer to draw up my Will, and act as Executor of my estate. I don't want my sisters/nephews to have to deal with the hassle of all that when I die -- even if not soon. I want to get it all worked out in legal terms, cut-and-dried, so that I won't have to worry what will happen when I'm gone. DH had several lawyer-friends, one of whom lives across the street from my other house, and who did DH's Will. I'll try him first; he's only in his 30s, so chances are he'll outlive ME. Important, you know. It's taken me this long after DH's death to figure out what I want done with everything I own, but let's just say: "There's gonna be some happy animal critters when I shuffle off this mortal coil."

I took the dogs on a walk in the nearby park earlier; our weather is gorgeous! Mild temps, sunny, makes it hard to stay indoors.

Snake in my backyard...

That's right -- I saw a snake in my backyard this morning! Worse, I think it had been under my house, since the screen I have over the open door there seemed to be ajar. I believe it was a harmless snake, not sure, but there is a creek about half a block away, and I've seen snake skins all along the street where I walk the dogs. {Pictures of the creek/street in an earlier post.}

At any rate, I was sauntering around the yard, not paying much attention when I looked down and saw my foot about an inch from the snake. It was completely still, and at first I thought it was dead, but then I moved, and it began slithering away. The dogs were romping around, and I stood very still, watching the snake head toward the bordering yard that is situated on the street beside the creek. I didn't want the dogs to get snake bit, and for sure, they'd have been after if it they'd seen it.

I inspected the screen, saw it was ajar and fixed it...but wondered if other snakes were under there? For one thing, it's been awfully dry the past weeks, (finally some rain last night though!) and the creek is nothing but a pitiful trickle. I've seen snake skins along that street, and one whopper of a snake that someone apparently beheaded -- lying in the gutter.

Then I remembered a couple of small holes in my utility/laundry-room floor, and wondered if snakes were able to get INSIDE. Woe is me, when my imagination kicks in!!! (sigh) I made sure all the holes were covered, just to be on the safe side. Plus, I believe the dogs and/or cats would find a snake inside the house. Last summer the cats attacked/beheaded a small green lizard, which I found in the laundry room later.

Then last week I had a strange, whispery voice left on my answering machine; my phone number just came out in the phone book (not in there for most of the past year since I moved) and it frightened me. So much so that I let my sister listen to it, but we both thought maybe it was just a wrong number by an elderly person who was having trouble breathing.

Saturday morning someone was ringing the doorbell very early, before eight, and the dogs woke me up barking. I heard the doorbell once, but no one was there by the time I got to the front door. I thought maybe it was my renter, dropping by with the rent (since it was due), but asked her Monday when she paid, and she said it wasn't her.

Just when I was feeling safe, secure and settled, these weird things. Again, an imaginary leap -- but I wondered if DH is trying to tell me something from that vague, shadowy other-world? (I know, I know...stupidstitious.)

Oh well, so it goes...

Busy Weekend

I spent Saturday afternoon mowing the front yard, and finishing the weed-eating. I still love the small, lightweight rechargable battery weed-eater (Task Force).

Then the usual: took dogs on a long walk, biked and spent the evening reading a new novel. The title of the book from which I posted an excerpt below in a post: "Anyone You Want Me to Be: A True Story of Sex and Death on the Internet," by former FBI profiler, John Douglas. It is based on the real-life case of John Robinson who lured women (most in the S&M alternate sex lifestyle) to his trailer, via the internet, and then killed them and disposed of their bodies in large metal barrels. Ugh. Such a sordid story, but true -- and a cautionary tale for anyone meeting strangers online, then in real life. John Robinson was married, had several kids, gregarious and well-liked in his community, by the way -- NOT a loner. He simply had a secret, sadistic side and was a master manipulator. Highly recommended.

Sunday I drove around to some of the car lots in town, looking at cars (without the pressure of salesmen). There's nothing wrong with my present car, but I have been thinking of trading it for a newer model -- perhaps one that would even get better gas mileage. Mine is a 2000 Ford Escort, and gets very good gas mileage, and only has 61,000 miles on it, so it should have good trade-in value and/or resell price.

I looked at a Toyota Prius - which is a hybrid, part rechargable battery, part gas. It was a 2001 model, had 68,000 miles on it, and that mileage has me a bit concerned: the batteries are very expensive to replace and possibly the one in that car could be on the verge of needing replacement. I also looked at the 2007 Ford Focus, but all the Ford place had was sedans and I want a hatchback this time -- it'd be easier to carry larger items than a sedan. I don't know, still undecided. Half the fun is "searching/looking" though!

That's about it for today.

Happy Mother's Day

So, Friday I saw the most amazing Oprah show in which, OMG, celebrity moms had such amazing, incredible, astounding wisdom about not only being a mom, but how to praise your own mom. LOL. I mean, these celeb moms (especially Maria Shriver) probably haven't seen, much less actually raised their kids, in forevvver. It would have been sad if it wasn't sooooo hilarious...particularly the Demi Moore interview in which she espouses maternal wisdom when, clearly, she hated her own mother MOST of her life, wouldn't even speak to her. Yeah, gotcha (good PR).

Anyway, if these women did NOT have children, would they dare speak out about being happily childfree? Methinks proably NOT. I'm just saying...celeb moms giving advice on parenting is like Anna Nichole advising us on sobriety. Or Oprah even hosting this topic, since she herself hasn't married OR had kids and by all accounts, left her mother to live with her father who helped her become who she is today. But never mind, it's Mother's Day.

Hmm, what really got me to thinking was the segment where Maria Shriver/Terminator said the best thing to do for Mother's Day is write your mom a letter listing what you learned from her.

Okay, here goes my top ten list of what I learned from my mother (who gave birth to me, but who I DO NOT consider my actual mother since my paternal grandmother is who I bonded with):

10. How to act childlike and stupid

9. How to deny anything and everything that happens and pretend life is just rosy

8. Keep pretending even when you are slapped in the face, beaten to within an inch of your life by your alcoholic husband

7. Have a bunch of kids and then ignore them, neglect them

6. Be especially enabling to your alcoholic husband so he can't face the consequences of his addiction

5. Always choose your husband over your children, even if their lives are threatened

4. If all else fails, burden your husband's parents with demands and know they'll help

3. IF your husband dies and leaves you and your children penniless, make sure your grown daughter/son-in-law feel guilty and responsible so they'll help you (Keep up this act if you end up alone and penniless in old age, so one of the daughters -- the religious one -- will take you in though it may destroy her life)

2. After your alcoholic husband dies, start dating as soon as possible and ignore your children so you can go out and have a good time

And the Number ONE thing I learned:

1. Be selfish, self-centered to the exclusion of everyone else in your life

I have to say I learned the #1 lesson best, though the others obviously didn't seem to make much sense to me. It took a long, long time...but I finally realized that #1 lesson is worthy of following (and pretty much what makes America a great country of capitalism -- greed/selfishness rules).

So Happy Mother's Day all you ladies who think you'll be different than your mom's and that YOUR kids will really, really love you and be good to you, even as you truly (deep in your heart, though you SAY otherwise) don't care much for your own mom.