At the end of 2005, I thought things couldn't get any worse...but I was wrong. I'll never say never again.
Yet, this past year has to be one of the worst I've ever lived through (with the exception of my entire childhood).
A rundown list:
1. February 21st, my husband died of acute leukemia/heart attack.
2. I sold the farm, did major clean-out work, went through h@ll trying to sort through all manner of stuff DH owned -- three outbuildings, a barn, and more.
3. I moved back to the city -- which I consider a good thing, BUT had to have the house I bought renovated and that was an ordeal (since all work had to be hired out).
4. Early summer, one of my brothers-in-law's father died. This particular brother-in-law was supposed to help me since I'd given him all of DH's tools/etc. And he did, to some extent, but for a long period -- unfortunately during the time I was going through a move -- he couldn't do much.
5. My only renter of the house where we'd lived 20+ years moved, so I had to do extensive cleaning, etc. before finding another renter. So far, it seems as if I did get good renters -- but time will tell.
6. My step-father unexpectedly died in his sleep, early November. That meant my mother couldn't live in their home, financially OR physically, since he'd been her main support. That situation is still unresolved, but for now, mother is living with my middle two sisters. The house/property is sold, the closing tomorrow. There's unavoidable tension between one of my sisters and the other three, but in time, maybe that will resolve itself.
7. In mid-December, my other brother-in-law's uncle died; my brother-in-law is executor of his estate (since the aunt is dead, and they had no children). Lots of work dealing with the disposal of a large farm, and all that entails, added to my sister's current problems with mother.
8. Mother's place had to be totally cleared out by me and my sisters/brothers-in-law. NOT a small task, and we're still not finished.
So, that's the negative side. All told, I've been working on houses/clearing out/moving for about 3+ years now, and darn if I'm not sick and tired of it. The whole thing started when we moved to the country, and renovated the farmhouse...and still hasn't ended.
The positives:
1. I adopted two little dogs I love unreservedly; and who give me total unconditional love in return.
2. I still have my six cats, with no major illnesses.
3. I feel fairly healthy (but who ever knows, really?)
4. I'm fiancially secure, or at least what passes for it in this country (NOT rich).
5. And NOW I have DSL internet, a MAJOR improvement over dialup internet!!
Today I took a trip down memory lane, went by the farm where we lived. The young couple have made it look wonderful, and I even stopped and petted the goat and two pot-belly pigs they have now. So CUTE! All their horses look great too. Also, two cats came from the backporch, and wanted me to pet them(one looked suspiciously like the barn cat who had been in the big barn). I'm glad to know that what DH and I did with the house renovation, building a big barn, is being taken care of and expanded. That makes me happy and I know it would make DH feel so proud of the young couple, and ME, for finding them to carry on there.
I wish everyone who reads my blog a HAPPY NEW YEAR. And as I stated at last year's end, NOW to 2006: "Goodbye and don't let the door hit you in the @ss on the way out!"
I sure hope next year is better for me, yet we just never know what's around the next curve in life.
My Novels
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Merry Christmas, Etc.
Today was a gorgeous day...nearly 65, sunny, no wind. I took the dogs for an early morning walk in the neighborhood, then did some housework, etc.
Later, I went on a long bike ride and when I returned, I decided to take the dogs to the nearby park. I let them into the car, halters/leashes on, and we went to the park where I used to bike. Rambo is very serene when riding; he will even lie on the seat and make no fuss. Oscar, however, wants to stand at the side window and look out, slobbering on it too. He whines, whines, whines...but once we were at the park, they had a GREAT time. There's a small wooded section, and I let them romp through it as if they were actually out in the woods somewhere. On the return trip, I parted the window a little, and Oscar loved sticking his nose out, just to get a whiff of whatever we passed. I'm hoping I can get them both accustomed to traveling in the car, so I can take them to different places for walks.
Yesterday we all met at my mother's place, and cleared out more stuff. All the closets are empty now, and we had two pickup trucks full of discards: some to the Goodwill, some to the dump. Exhausting, not to mention that it rained all day and was dismal. We think one more full day of work will have the place cleared out for the new buyers, but that will probably be sometimes in early January.
Late in the day, after I returned home, one of DH's fellow workers dropped by to give me a keepsake from this year's rodeo. The rodeo was dedicated to DH this year, and though I didn't go, the co-worker told me all about it and gave me the program to keep. I was afraid I'd cry through the ceremony, so I just didn't go. And he understood, I suppose.
No family gathering for Christmas this year. We all decided to cancel it; my sister who usually hosts it is exhausted from taking care of mother, and having her own two grown kids/grandkids there on Christmas, so we decided against it. I had already made a decision NOT to go, and don't regret that. Every time we get together there, I remember DH so much; it feels like he should be in the other room joking with the kids, or talking to my brothers-in-law. It will be easier for me to spend this holiday alone.
And finally, I decided on my Christmas gift to myself: DSL internet from Bellsouth. It will cost $25.00 a month, but I think it'll be worth it. Since I moved back to town, the slooooooooooow dialup speed has been horrendous; it takes me FOREVER to get anything done online, and all the websites with video, pictures are virtually inaccessible. Which means MOST of the websites, since between flashing/java ads and loads of other unnecessary crap, it takes too long. My DSL modem arrives next week, and I will install it myself.
For all my readers, I wish you a Merry Christmas and that you remember to cherish the moments you have with a beloved spouse; it can end in a flash, without warning.
And then for a laugh, I have to post this tacky photo I found recently on the web:
Merry Redneck Christmas!
Later, I went on a long bike ride and when I returned, I decided to take the dogs to the nearby park. I let them into the car, halters/leashes on, and we went to the park where I used to bike. Rambo is very serene when riding; he will even lie on the seat and make no fuss. Oscar, however, wants to stand at the side window and look out, slobbering on it too. He whines, whines, whines...but once we were at the park, they had a GREAT time. There's a small wooded section, and I let them romp through it as if they were actually out in the woods somewhere. On the return trip, I parted the window a little, and Oscar loved sticking his nose out, just to get a whiff of whatever we passed. I'm hoping I can get them both accustomed to traveling in the car, so I can take them to different places for walks.
Yesterday we all met at my mother's place, and cleared out more stuff. All the closets are empty now, and we had two pickup trucks full of discards: some to the Goodwill, some to the dump. Exhausting, not to mention that it rained all day and was dismal. We think one more full day of work will have the place cleared out for the new buyers, but that will probably be sometimes in early January.
Late in the day, after I returned home, one of DH's fellow workers dropped by to give me a keepsake from this year's rodeo. The rodeo was dedicated to DH this year, and though I didn't go, the co-worker told me all about it and gave me the program to keep. I was afraid I'd cry through the ceremony, so I just didn't go. And he understood, I suppose.
No family gathering for Christmas this year. We all decided to cancel it; my sister who usually hosts it is exhausted from taking care of mother, and having her own two grown kids/grandkids there on Christmas, so we decided against it. I had already made a decision NOT to go, and don't regret that. Every time we get together there, I remember DH so much; it feels like he should be in the other room joking with the kids, or talking to my brothers-in-law. It will be easier for me to spend this holiday alone.
And finally, I decided on my Christmas gift to myself: DSL internet from Bellsouth. It will cost $25.00 a month, but I think it'll be worth it. Since I moved back to town, the slooooooooooow dialup speed has been horrendous; it takes me FOREVER to get anything done online, and all the websites with video, pictures are virtually inaccessible. Which means MOST of the websites, since between flashing/java ads and loads of other unnecessary crap, it takes too long. My DSL modem arrives next week, and I will install it myself.
For all my readers, I wish you a Merry Christmas and that you remember to cherish the moments you have with a beloved spouse; it can end in a flash, without warning.
And then for a laugh, I have to post this tacky photo I found recently on the web:
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Burnt Cookies
Okay, I know some of my readers will think, "Ah, NOW she's totally lost her mind." But...bear with me.
The other day I was watching Oprah and she had a female guest, Anousheh Ansari, who had "lived her dream" of going into space. Yep, Ansari had the big bucks, 20 mil, and paid her way into orbit. I don't really have any objections to people doing this, since there is no use in elaborating on what 20 mil would do to help starving, screaming, sick humans/animals, so don't even think of that pointless reasoning. No one wants to hear about that, otherwise there wouldn’t BE starvation, suffering, wars, stupidity the world over.
At any rate, when the spacecraft docked with the space-station, the astronauts told Ansari she'd get a whiff of what outer space smells like. It would be brief, fleeting, but indeed, she could "smell" space. And of course, Oprah asked her, "So what did it smell like?" And Ansari said, "Burnt cookies."
I almost fell out of my chair laughing...with mirth. Come on, there is a LOT of burning/blazing/exploding stars and stuff is REALLY cooking (at evil hot temps) all over the cosmos, so of course, it smells like something is burning.
Then I laughed even harder, because it occurred to me that...what if...we are ALL (the cosmos included) actually in HELL, with all this burning going on, and don't realize it? I have always thought that humanity and earth, and possibly the whole shebang (cosmos too) is some sort of crazy, awful dungeon from which escape is impossible (except via death -- which might be even worse). Isn't that the Biblical definition of Hell? I'd say we are closer to Hell than Heaven, by any estimation.
Oh, you don't agree? IF we were all in Hell, wouldn't there be groups who'd think not, who'd think it was actually Heaven, that we condemned humans were special, some who'd make-up religious crap, who'd try to "figure it all out" as scientist do (but be stymied at every turn)...on and on, ad nauseam?
Just think about it: that's your philosophy lesson for today from yours truly, Mad, Mad World.
P.S. I’m NOT in a depressed mood; just thought this idea was too good to pass up!!
The other day I was watching Oprah and she had a female guest, Anousheh Ansari, who had "lived her dream" of going into space. Yep, Ansari had the big bucks, 20 mil, and paid her way into orbit. I don't really have any objections to people doing this, since there is no use in elaborating on what 20 mil would do to help starving, screaming, sick humans/animals, so don't even think of that pointless reasoning. No one wants to hear about that, otherwise there wouldn’t BE starvation, suffering, wars, stupidity the world over.
At any rate, when the spacecraft docked with the space-station, the astronauts told Ansari she'd get a whiff of what outer space smells like. It would be brief, fleeting, but indeed, she could "smell" space. And of course, Oprah asked her, "So what did it smell like?" And Ansari said, "Burnt cookies."
I almost fell out of my chair laughing...with mirth. Come on, there is a LOT of burning/blazing/exploding stars and stuff is REALLY cooking (at evil hot temps) all over the cosmos, so of course, it smells like something is burning.
Then I laughed even harder, because it occurred to me that...what if...we are ALL (the cosmos included) actually in HELL, with all this burning going on, and don't realize it? I have always thought that humanity and earth, and possibly the whole shebang (cosmos too) is some sort of crazy, awful dungeon from which escape is impossible (except via death -- which might be even worse). Isn't that the Biblical definition of Hell? I'd say we are closer to Hell than Heaven, by any estimation.
Oh, you don't agree? IF we were all in Hell, wouldn't there be groups who'd think not, who'd think it was actually Heaven, that we condemned humans were special, some who'd make-up religious crap, who'd try to "figure it all out" as scientist do (but be stymied at every turn)...on and on, ad nauseam?
Just think about it: that's your philosophy lesson for today from yours truly, Mad, Mad World.
P.S. I’m NOT in a depressed mood; just thought this idea was too good to pass up!!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Pictures & more
Thought I'd post a couple pictures of my house/fence, since I haven't had a current photo on the blog recently. These will show the shutters I painted gray back in the fall, and the new wood fence.
Note, still NO seamless gutters. The guy who gave me an estimate has failed to show up now for a month. I think I've given him PLENTY of time, and after the holidays, I'll find a professional to do the job. What I'm learning is that you pay MORE for professionals, but they get the job done pronto and do what they promise. There are a lot of "so-called part-time workers" and frankly, they just do not deliver. Best tip I found on widow.net is once you find reliable help, keep their phone numbers on a list and always call them for necessary repairs or whatever.
Here's the pictures (still the old cheap camera):
The gray shutters/door match the roof well, I think.
LOVE this fence. Need to get a photo of how my carport is now a nice refuge/private place, almost like a patio
And now a couple pictures of Oscar. He has become the most spoiled dog brat EVER! He stays inside more than outside and LOVES his long walks through the neighborhood, as does Rambo. But Oscar starts whining around the time I usually take them on the walk, and will NOT stop until he gets his walk. I've met LOTS of people in the neighborhood on walks, know just about everyone around here. One elderly man drives a golf cart and carries his 2-month old daschund (Clyde) with him; he stopped beside me the other day, and asked about Oscar. It's amazing how walking dogs attracts others with dogs and sort of encourages meeting new people.
And speaking of new people, a young couple moved into the house behind me -- our yards join and share a chainlink fence. They moved from Nebraska, and have several large pure-bred Mastiff's (one is a show dog). And though there are dogs all in the neighborhood, there's no problem with barking at night since we all keep them inside!!!
Between the long walks with the dogs and biking, I get plenty of healthy exercise too!
Oscar loves his naps!
"Mom, it's time for our walk, NOW!
Undecided about Christmas, but I think I'll spend it alone. Might prepare a feast of food I hardly ever eat, and just pig out -- save the leftovers for later. And I also might spend the day (between eating/pigging out) writing a short story. Maybe next year I'll volunteer to help the elderly or do something like that, but this year, I think I need to be ALONE and creative.
As for a gift for myself, I probably won't buy a new digital camera. I've had so many expenses lately (at this house and the rental) that I won't splurge on any gift/gifts. However, I will eventually buy a new camera, just not now. At any rate, Rambo and Oscar are the BEST gifts I've given myself this year anyway. Never a dull moment with those two around, and there is ALWAYS unconditional love from them and my cats. Now that IS worth living for.
Note, still NO seamless gutters. The guy who gave me an estimate has failed to show up now for a month. I think I've given him PLENTY of time, and after the holidays, I'll find a professional to do the job. What I'm learning is that you pay MORE for professionals, but they get the job done pronto and do what they promise. There are a lot of "so-called part-time workers" and frankly, they just do not deliver. Best tip I found on widow.net is once you find reliable help, keep their phone numbers on a list and always call them for necessary repairs or whatever.
Here's the pictures (still the old cheap camera):
And now a couple pictures of Oscar. He has become the most spoiled dog brat EVER! He stays inside more than outside and LOVES his long walks through the neighborhood, as does Rambo. But Oscar starts whining around the time I usually take them on the walk, and will NOT stop until he gets his walk. I've met LOTS of people in the neighborhood on walks, know just about everyone around here. One elderly man drives a golf cart and carries his 2-month old daschund (Clyde) with him; he stopped beside me the other day, and asked about Oscar. It's amazing how walking dogs attracts others with dogs and sort of encourages meeting new people.
And speaking of new people, a young couple moved into the house behind me -- our yards join and share a chainlink fence. They moved from Nebraska, and have several large pure-bred Mastiff's (one is a show dog). And though there are dogs all in the neighborhood, there's no problem with barking at night since we all keep them inside!!!
Between the long walks with the dogs and biking, I get plenty of healthy exercise too!
Undecided about Christmas, but I think I'll spend it alone. Might prepare a feast of food I hardly ever eat, and just pig out -- save the leftovers for later. And I also might spend the day (between eating/pigging out) writing a short story. Maybe next year I'll volunteer to help the elderly or do something like that, but this year, I think I need to be ALONE and creative.
As for a gift for myself, I probably won't buy a new digital camera. I've had so many expenses lately (at this house and the rental) that I won't splurge on any gift/gifts. However, I will eventually buy a new camera, just not now. At any rate, Rambo and Oscar are the BEST gifts I've given myself this year anyway. Never a dull moment with those two around, and there is ALWAYS unconditional love from them and my cats. Now that IS worth living for.
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