My Novels

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

I went to the grocery store on this dreary, cold day...and had one of those emotional moments at the checkout. A young perky girl was checking my items, and another was putting the stuff in sacks, when she looked out the window and said, "Here comes your gran-gran with some food for you."

The checkout girl smiled, and said, "Great."

When the elderly grandmother came up to her, she had a covered dish and told her that if she liked it, the dish was very easy to cook. As I watched this loving exchange, sudden tears sprang to my eyes, and I was embarrassed to realize I was on the verge of crying.


Because, you see, the only person I ever felt loved me was my paternal grandmother. She's been dead since 1987, but this little scene reminded me of how much I MISS my own grandmother! What I would give just to have a long loving conversation with her. She was my best friend, my mentor, more of a mother than my real mother ever could be; I will miss her till the day I die. If not for her, I'm sure my awful childhood would have turned me into a monster who had NO feelings for humans whatsoever. She and my grandfather were always there for us, and I always KNEW she loved me unconditionally. Because of her, I was able to least one other person, my DH. Without her and my grandfather, I fear that I would have hated the human race enough to have caused some sort of violence to people.

Sometimes it's enough in a deprived child's life to have just ONE person who loves them unconditionally. But for those who don't, well, should we be surprised they turn into serial killers and violent monsters?

I've also been researching and reading about journaling, and hope to make this online journal a very interesting project. Since I can't seem to write fiction anymore, perhaps this is the next phase of my writing. I was just burnt-out on fiction, and don't even read it much anymore; I lost interest in the 'unrealistic' portrayal of most characters in mainstream fiction.

I also went for a long bike ride in the park, though the wind was brisk. But it was invigorating, and brought me out of the vague feelings of depression I always suffer at holiday times.

Alas, enough for today.

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