I'm having a sad night, though the day was fairly nice. I finally received the life insurance from DH's employer, and the first of my monthly checks from his retirement. Yet each time I complete another aspect of the "paperwork" it just leaves me feeling lonely. Perhaps it feels as if DH is getting further and further away?
Other than talking to my sister this afternoon, it's been one of my first solitary days. Windy and warm, so I went on a long bike ride too. And then, I wrote this poem:
Spring air stirring sweetly
Scents of flowers aloft
As I sit quietly bereft
Remembering our past promises
To share our golden, olden years
And a well-deserved reward, retirement,
That vanished on a cold February morning.
You swiftly left on freedom's wings
A silent journey, a beckoning
Into an unknown realm of fate
Taken from me in a harsh moment
Loss of your breath forever.
Yet you are always near
So close, so real in memory,
Though we are seemingly apart
Our spirits are together somewhere
United on spring air stirring sweetly,
Rebirth on every flowering breeze.
When I went out to my sister's Saturday, I visited Harley. He was in their pasture briefly, before the first friend of DH's with a thousand dollars showed up to get him. Harley was not a thousand-dollar horse (not even registered), but so many friends of DH loved him, that was the only way to keep a feud from ruining their friendships. I love Harley, but I will probably never see him again. Even he looked sad to me that day, as if he misses DH too.