First let me begin this entry by apologizing to anyone who reads my blog, because it's been a couple weeks since my last entry. My only excuse is that I've had several spells of depression, confusion, indecision and just didn't want to rehash those negative moods online. However, I'm feeling somewhat better tonight.
I signed some initial papers tonight for the sale of this place. While it may seem terribly quick, I know that DH would have wanted me to do that. The entire weekend before he died, he kept telling me I must sell this house/farm. Even though I reminded him that he still had treatments to undergo, and I couldn't possibly sell until all that was finished, he kept saying, "You have to sell, because you might get hurt there, and you'd be happier in town." Thus, I am in the process of doing what he wanted.
The man who rented my barn/pasture is involved, though it is his son and wife who actually got a mortgage on it. An appraiser from the bank had to inspect everything last week (certainly several days of scrubbing before THAT, as well as painting touchups and repainting the fence beside the house and the barn doors, etc)...but the eventual value was worth it. The couple have been approved for the loan, and the closing will be within ten-to-twenty days. I'll have 30 days after that to move, OR as long as I wish, since the couple are not in a hurry to move in. The couple also wants Festus and Ginger, so they'll get to remain here; the girl has already made fast friends with Ginger, giving her treats to win her trust. That makes me happy, knowing the little ponies will get to stay here and be treated well. Plus, the couple and the boy's parents (who rent the barn/pasture) will take good care of this place, and continue improvements -- like DH and I would have, had he not died.
I've looked at many houses in the past weeks, but haven't decided yet on any certain one. I don't plan to move back to the house I'm renting either, since there were problems there before. Mainly I need to find a house within the general neighborhood I like, in the right price range. I'm sure I will soon, because I have two already that are potentials. The older historic home is out of the question though, since it turned out to have serious electrical problems that would cost a small fortune to repair.
As for missing DH, it's like having a deep, painful wound in my heart -- all the time. It has been extremely difficult to make these life-changing decisions about this farm, since it was his dream to have a place for his horses. But it was also his last wish that I move, and I know he would be pleased I'm doing this. Still, emotionally it is painful to look around here and see so much of him (and myself) in everything; we put such hard work, a labor of love, into this old house and the land/barn. But I KNOW that the young couple will cherish it, and take good care of everything. DH would NOT have wanted it to sit here and little-by-little go downhill. So even though it hurts me to think of parting with it, I know I must do so.
Festus and Ginger are thriving, and whatever their shedding problems were, it has just about cleared up. I used a couple of remedies from the Tractor Supply store, and that seemed to have helped, in addition to keeping them brushed all the time. I'll surely miss them, but I can drop by after I move and see them too occasionally.
Of course, the crew of cats go with me -- wherever I end up! I never look at a house unless I see potential cat quarters! :-)
And with that, I'm outta here because it is late and I'm very tired.