As with all addictions, once you get started the momentum builds and builds, so that soon you find yourself on the dark road to oblivion. That's how it was for me, except for brief glances at the sunlight beckoning me back from that black edge of destruction.
Again, this is a continuation of a period when I was sober back in August:
August 10 (continuing the 4 questions regarding my drinking)
3. What do I think I will like about giving up my addiction. What good things might happen?
If I had to answer this while still drinking, I would have said NOTHING. However, now that it's been over a week sober, I can say I have more energy, sleep soundly, think more clearly--and am not depressed as deeply.
The very things I thought liquor did for me are the things I have being sober: sleeping well, thinking better, not as depressed.
As for what good things might happen...I simply don't know. I've never been an optimist, but only time can tell me what a sober future holds.
4. What do I think I won't like about giving up my addiction? Hate? Dread? Dislike?
Well, liquor had, in some warped way, become my companion. When I would think of not drinking, I'd get sad, feel lonely, as if I were actually breaking up with a lover. (Isn't that disgusting?)
I feared having no energy, being sad, depressed, lonely...ALONE. And missing my late husband. I'd convinced myself the liquor was important to my survival...when, in fact, it was killing me.
And, of course, I feared the physical suffering of detox.
August 15th (Another exercise)
First, list all the things that are most important to me:
Family, mainly my sisters
Pets, my dogs & cats
House/home. To have my own place mortgage-free (as I do now)
Health--so I can take care of myself
Car--driving allows independence
Computer--internet for interaction with others, news, research, info
TV, Netflix for movies/documentaries
Food--enough money to buy what I need
Money/Income--enough to provide for myself & pets
Solitude sometimes for writing/thinking
Walks with my dogs
Exercise, mostly walking but would like to join a gym
Weight--stay at my best size but get enough nutrition
From that list, choose the top 5 most important to my life:
Solitude & Writing
(So I cheated by listing two together, but in my mind, it fits my needs)
More to come.
Tomorrow is my birthday; I'll be 61. My sister/brother-in-law will be here to help with a project: one of those put-together pieces of furniture I can't handle! :-)