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Sunday, December 09, 2012

Loony Bin Part II

Before I begin the journal entry, I wanted to state that the ER visit did a thorough work-up regarding liver damage. I had none, zip, zero! They even did an x-ray of my liver, no enlargement. Considering how much I drank, everyone seemed amazed by that. So it goes.

Now to the journal, continuing October 13th:

Just got back from group therapy, mostly discussion about how to deal with ups & downs of to day tedium.

Had a fruit snack.

Sister called & said my dogs, Rambo & Oscar, are doing fine; they went home with her, and we'd been there lots of times, so I'm not worried about them. My indoor cats are being taken care of by my nearby grand-nieces; they are familiar with their care/routine.

I honestly believe the only way to save myself is to get back to writing. The drinking took the place of that--so in order to stop forever, I must write.

At least this is a good place to have quiet time, reflection and collect my thoughts on the therapeutic process...which I can share in this written notebook.

We just had lunch, lots of food! Then a psychiatrist dropped by to talk to me. He said he could order some medicated patches for my knees, because I'm hurting; maybe that will help.

He also checked my B.P. and heart/lungs, but we didn't talk much. Told me I'd be receiving several drugs to calm me and help alleviate the detox from alcohol. Feel groggy.

A bit more about this facility: it used to be a hospital. I was here several times through the years for physical illness, and it's familiar to me. Another hospital bought the facility and is in the process of getting it completely open by January for drug/alcohol rehab. My GP helped arrange for me to be here.

More mental health facilities are needed in our state, like this one. There are woefully few now.

My biggest fear right now is that I cannot trust myself not to drink. Hopefully that issue can be resolved in counseling and with medication. I'm very depressed, think I'll take a nap.

Dinner is finished--3 large meals will make me FAT, ugh! I suppose I'll have to eat real light at each meal; they record what you eat at every meal!

I feel drowsy, more depressed than earlier. Sleepy after that nap. And too I was just worn out from all the constant care-taking/house maintenance.

It's probably 5:00 (no clocks/watches in our room!) & I'm ready to sleep. Maybe I'll take another nap.

One of my sisters called, said they'd visit tomorrow afternoon. I'll be glad to see them, but it makes me sad and humiliated that I lost control of my drinking and life.

I hope I come out of here stronger, because I cannot go on like I was.

I miss my cats & dogs so much!

Watched a movie, "October Baby" in the TV room. That helped some.

(Note: I have NO memory of that now!)

More tomorrow.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'm sure it's quite painful,but I hope cathartic for you when reviewing your journals from this period.
My hangovers, after drinking since 15,became horrid monsters that I could no longer endure, or I'd still be drinking.

frank neuhauser