Sunday Morning, October 15th
Woke up extremely depressed, started crying. I've made such a mess of my life. Better if I had died. Feel suicidal, but mostly just sad and lonely.
Been having vivid dreams, even if I just close my eyes to dose, I have such clear dreams, mostly that I'm back home & petting my dogs. Sometimes I even see J. (my late husband). He's always happy and doing something around the house. (Note: looking back, this might have been hallucinations from withdrawal?)
Wish I could stop crying. Already had my bath, dressed and ready for breakfast. Only 6:30! Maybe need meds changed?
Sister & brother-in-law visited this afternoon...45 minutes are the limit, 10 minutes for phone calls. They said everything was good with my cats. And my nephew had come home (at other sister's house) for a few days; he was keeping dogs entertained.
The meds make me calm but I feel sleepy all the time. I forgot to send a book back to the library.
Eating way too much here. Will have to diet when I leave.
So sleepy after eating supper, a good meal of chili, salad and bread.
Feel like I could sleep forever.
Note: I didn't know at that point my room was subject to searches and the journal was probably being read. I was zonked during that weekend.