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Saturday, March 18, 2006

Saturday Thoughts

Next Tuesday will mark a month since DH passed away. I don't know if I'm adapting, or simply acting crazy. It seems every day I have a new idea, and the next day it seems like a crazy idea! However, this is par for the course during the first year of losing a spouse.

This past week my sister stayed three days with me, due to her husband being out of town. We shopped in all the nearby thrift shops, and found some great bargains. We also looked at houses in town, which has become an increasing obsession since DH died. I've always been interested in real estate, but now I'm serious about finding a place to move.

To that end, I found one possible prospect: an historic house built in 1900 -- one block from the historic district on the northeast of town. It is in a first-class neighborhood, wonderful homes/neighbors, and the only drawback is the tremendous amount of work to be done on the inside. However, the pricing is right: it's obscenely cheap, since an older lady's family is selling it to move her into the nursing home.

I had a contractor look at the interior/exterior and give me an estimate on repairs...and it was very reasonable. Then I had a real estate agent come out and give me a price range for listing this house/land: $129,000.00 to $139,000.00. If I buy the old historic house in town, have it updated/renovated, and sell this place I'll end up with about $30,000.00 to $40,000.00 profit!

The major problem is juggling the sell of this house/land with buying/renovating the old historic house in town. Here's a picture of that house:

Is this a crazy idea? Or a smart move? I don't know, and haven't committed to either buying/selling just yet, but I AM seriously considering it. For one thing, DH was insistent that I move from here when he learned how ill he was; he was worried I couldn't take care of this place, particularly the barn/pasture/outbuildings. And while I love my mini-horses, I know I could find them good homes too. At any rate, I'm thinking about taking on this project. I LOVE old houses, and have always wanted to live in an historic house in that particular neighborhood.

I have read a book, "The Year of Magical Thinking," by Joan Didion, about her first year of being a widow. Highly recommended!

In the meantime, I have my ups and downs. I'm not eating well, because food doesn't seem important; I've lost down to 100 lbs. Some nights I cry, some nights I do okay. Some days I am restless, cannot sit still (hence, my lack of blogging); some days I am paralyzed with indecision, stare blankly into space. Most of the time I'm still confused, and just wish I could talk everything over with DH, like we always did. I'll miss him to the day I die, of that I am certain.

Cherish your loved ones, for you never know when your hug or kiss will be the last one forever.

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