My new motto: Look onward, not backward. If I let myself linger too long on the past, how (as usual for human behavior) I never quite fully appreciated DH or our life, I will fall into the endless pit of depression...so I must try to focus on the future.
I have rented the big barn/pasture to a friend of DH's who is also very interested in buying this place. He, his wife and one son (20-something) have their three horses in the barn, and he said he wants me to consider them FIRST if I decide to sell. Which I certainly will do, before I'd put this place in real estate.
One day this past week I met with a financial planner at my bank, and may invest some of the life insurance money in an annuity -- which will give me a small monthly income. I haven't actually committed to it yet, but will probably do that soon. I'm still considering various investment options.
There is another house in the city I like very much, not the historic house pictured below, but it is somewhat pricey. IF I can get enough out of this place I might be able to buy that one, but right now, it's all undecided. At least I don't have to worry about the barn, since the renter will take care of it AND even fertilize the pasture, plant grass. The renter also provides feed and stops by twice daily to check on the horses.
My nephew built a fence today creating a smaller pasture space near the front for the miniatures. They will use the small stable and barn near the house, and still have plenty of pasture to get exercise, etc.
There's more to write, but I just haven't been in the mood lately for writing. Monday morning there's another small gathering honoring DH's service to the community, so I must attend it. I'll be given a plaque I can keep also.
I guess I'm just having a sad night...