Guess I'm always a bit stupidstitious about feeling happiness, as if something will suddenly darken my life. Can't have good without the bad -- don't know if that is just my training for drama/fiction writing or growing up with an alcoholic dad. For this moment in time, I AM happy.
I am being paid for writing.
A GOOD salary for where I live, in any kind of job.
Bringing recognition to average people who trudge on, doing the best they can, but NEVER get a pat on the back, much less public exposure. The average people are the ones who NEED to be acknowledged, and I'm trying to do that in the Lifestyle section of our local newspaper.
Receiving praise at work...but more importantly, from the people I write about. That feels GOOD. Still have more to learn about pagination and that is a challenge.
And I'll tell you, my readers, a secret: Lexapro. I am fairly sure that ALL my life, and especially past menopause, I've suffered from depression. And that my father did too, trying to self-medicate with liquor. When my husband died, my G.P. put me on Lexapro -- an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. I took it for several months, and functioned GREAT. Then decided I didn't need it, and boom, depression returned before long.
When I was lucky enough to get this current position, I went back to the G.P. and she wrote me a prescription for Lexapro. For now, it's only three months...but I DO attribute some of my ability to focus, stay out of the depths of deepest depression, to the anti-depressant. I truly have come to accept that some people NEED anti-depressant medication -- otherwise, we'd be suicides.
If you don't believe me, just read some of my blog entries when I was at my darkest hour.