I think there is a thin line between patience and procrastination...and unfortunately, it's difficult for me sometimes to discern that.
I mean, occasionally I get too ambitious...thinking I MUST get something accomplished, when in fact, it is not urgent. For example, I have a garage that is partly stacked up with leftover material from home improvement projects. I can't do any of the cleanup myself; it would destroy my back. So why worry since there is still plenty of space in there, and no rush in getting it cleaned. This is a project that can wait till late spring or summer, since it will be warm and will include whoever I hire to take a load of stuff to the county dump.
Then there's my walk-in closet. I keep the clothes updated, discarding those that are no longer useful. But the higher shelves have stuff that need to go: an old printer, a box of electronics I no longer use; varius and sundry objects that just got shoved there due to being no longer needed. I cannot climb and lift overhead, or risk a fall from a utility ladder. That should be done prior to the garage, since some of it can be put out there. And it will need to be done by anyone I hire to do an organizing, cleaning of my overall house. Which I keep putting off, due to procrastination. I have never had my house cleaned by anyone, and pride myself on keeping a clean, tidy house. The idea of strangers going through stuff is not appealing, but the time has some due to my physical limitations. Sigh.
Just the act of writing this down has somewhat cleared my confusion, so I can determine what is first.
On the other hand, I can't abide a messy environment, and at some point, I am going to have to screen and settle on a regular inside cleaning person who can come at least once a month. That is a daunting task, and as a senior, I dread it. Not a monetary issue, more of a trust issue. I don't trust easily.
However, at present, I am working on a new writing project: writing fiction again! That is a big plus. I have been unable to sit at my desk for prolonged writing sessions, but discovered a wireless keyboard allows me to write on my large tablet with keyboard in lap while I sit comfortably on the sofa. I am about 5,000 words into a new ghost story, and don't want to quit until I have the rough draft down. That is the good news.
The bad news is that I have started having a hip issue, which I thought had improved. In fact, after the initial flareup back in December when I had to see an orthopedic doc for MRI and bone density scan and was told I have no fractures, but that my bones are fragile, that nothing can be done...I had improved. So much so that I got back on my exercise bike and was fine as long as I only did 3 or 4 miles every other day. Then I pushed it to 5 miles, and the flareup happened. Now I'm limping around with hip/buttock pain...not even sure the bike caused it. Actually the pain started when I simply moved my leg flat in BED! Argh. Trying to take it easy now, hobbling around like a cripple...which apparently I am now an arthritic cripple.
I have an appointment with my GP for regular checkup next Monday and going to discuss seeing a rheumatologist who might be able to help me manage my condition. However, from research, I'm not optimistic on any treatment. Biologics are too expensive, as well as having seriously bad side effects. Old age ain't for sissies, folks.
I'm sitting here looking out at my backyard, dreading a line of thunderstorms coming tonight and tomorrow. Possibly even tornados. I have been through a cat-5 tornado and a hail storm that caused lots of damage to my property a few years ago. It has left an indible mark on my mindset: why bother to do expensive maintanence when boom, it's all for naught when the next storms wipe it out. Tired of all this, and at times, just wish I could go to assisted living -- as long as I had privacy and space to write when I wish to. Indecision.
But these are decisions I alone can make, and I've rehashed it all ad infinitum with family. Lots of advice, but in the end, still up to me.
And that is where I am in my life right now. I did get my eyes checked, and stronger glasses. That helped. I still have to see my dentist sometimes soon too. Keep putting it off, since I am not having a pressing issue.
Life goes on until it doesn't. Maybe I should go with the flow and see what happens next, without planning. Plans rarely go well for me anyway. Or as I say: Things can always get worse, and usually do for me.
A bit of positivity: I did get my taxes done.
And that is it for now, though maybe I can make regular updates now that I found a way to write comfortably.
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