Isn't it almost always true that just when you think your life is going smoothly, happily for ONCE, a curve ball comes at you and hits you right between the eyes?
This won't be much of an entry, just enough to say I'm still alive. And yes, a lot of work was accomplished on the old house. It's looking better, and in fact, could be lived in soon...
Which it just might have to be -- by DH. Because something happened last weekend that sent me reeling. It is something DH did before we married, almost 33 years ago, and which he'd mentioned to me back then. However, his version appears now to have been mostly a lie. Does that mean our whole marriage was based on a lie? Sort of feels that way to me.
I don't know what I'm going to do, but it looks as if there is NO resolution to this situation that I could EVER accept and continue living with him. Hence, perhaps we'll separate and he can live in the old house/farm, and I'll stay where I am.
I have been so upset this past week, I didn't know if I were coming or going...not to mention all the hard work. I didn't just quit either, though I couldn't bring myself to go there every single day. I fear now that forever that place will be tainted with this awful current situation, and I can never live there. And the irony? I really had grown so fond of the place, and we were hurrying to get it ready to move into.
I doubt anyone can imagine the shock and trauma we both have been going through...though I am fairly sure my feelings are still terribly unresolved. Therefore, I don't want to go into details here...
To top it all off, my mother had to be rushed to the hospital Christmas night for conjestive heart failure. She's had this several times before, and recovered. She did go home in a couple days, but then relapsed and spent this entire last week in the hospital. The doctor is supposed to dismiss her this morning, mostly because he's afraid she'll catch flu from patients there.
If you have sent me an email, I promise to answer soon, when I have some sort of emotional balance/perspective.