"War, depression, fear, hatred, foreign adventures, and just downright stupidity in high places are all hallmarks of the so-called conservatives, who are conservative about nothing but their own power bases."
"I have nothing personal against humans. But as a group, they stink...I say, kill them all...."
--- John Colicos, War of the Worlds ---
These quotes seem to echo my dismal mood these days. It's not just politics, or disgust with the human race (although that is a large part of it), but I seem to feel as if NOTHING is worth the effort.
The novel I was writing stalled, and all I can think is, "Why bother?"
There is an old adage that says: "What will it matter a million years what I do now?" That seems to sum up my bad attitude these days. I simply want to disappear, and fear sometimes I'm too suicidal to live.
Of course, I continue to cope...but don't know how long I can endure.
I had to have one of my cats put to sleep the other day. She, Blondie, had leukemia, and since another of my cats had that, I fear that the remaining ones will catch it. There's not much I can do, considering all the cats I have were strays and short of having them tested, and then keeping the positive ones separated (impossible), I am simply counting down their remaining time. When and if all my cats are gone, I don't think I can live. As silly as it seems, these wonderful creatures have been the ONE reason I've lived this long: 50 years old.
Soon I may not have that reason to survive any longer.