My Novels

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Autumn is last!

Reading my past posts, it seems I only write once for each season this year. I wish I had a good excuse, but the truth is, I don't write as much as I once did. At least I do have daily Twitter posts at the top of this blog; that way, I do keep updated on my activities.

Though I love autumn, it's also the beginning of a sad time. Six years ago, my late husband & I had bought the old farmhouse, started the renovation. It took us six months to complete that; we moved in during the following spring. Only lived there two years before his death. And though I've moved on with my life, sometimes the slant of autumn light will suddenly make me catch my breath with sorrow. About what-could-have-been, what-might-have-been by now. I try to resist recreating how our lives might have turned out together, as we shared retirement -- which was what we'd been planning for in buying the farm. Alas, it was not to be. I wish I could look to the future instead of back into the past so often.

But the truth is, I can't find any motivation for moving into the future. Aging is not for sissies, as the true saying goes, but having a vivid imagination, I often despair of what lies ahead. I have several health conditions, nothing life threatening, but some that might prove life-altering at some point. Arthritis. Herniated discs in my back. Knee issues. I realize those things can cause limitations in everyday life -- especially the enjoyment I get from long walks with my dogs, taking care of my home/property, my cats' needs, etc. Often I become depressed, and it takes awhile to pull out of the darkness. Writing might help, but other than a private, personal journal written by hand, I don't wish to air those dark thoughts on a public blog.

However, at this time, life is still good. Recently I visited my sister/brother-in-law near Huntsville. We went to Falls Mill: It was a fun day, but unfortunately I forgot to take my camera. I did take some photos with my sister's camera, but haven't downloaded those to my PC yet. We also took the dogs to a nearby park, and they had a great time exploring new territory. I always take my dogs with me when I stay a few days with her.

I've been reading voraciously, especially since I bought an e-tablet. Not an ipad, but a cheaper version. I can download e-books from the library, and keep several always loaded. I've noticed I can read faster on the tablet than a print book. Have no idea why, but I greatly enjoy reading, one of my pleasures. And I still enjoy Netflix movies or documentaries.

Leaves are starting to color here, but we usually reach our peak sometimes in late October/November. I hope to get the couple who do my yard mowing to take care of the fallen leaves this year. My back just can't take the twisting/turning of raking any longer.

I've had a couple of accidental falls during the summer -- mostly while doing some kind of chore or task with the cats. The sun porch where they stay has a lot of steps and I've always been clumsy. Fortunately, no broken bones but lots of bruises and bumps. I need to be more careful, and most important, SLOW down. I've always been a dynamo when it comes to walking, working...and now that I'm getting older, it's difficult to slow down and look where I'm going. (sigh)

Oscar (my wiener dog) had a tooth problem, though I didn't realize it for two weeks. By the time I noticed his discomfort, he had to visit the vet and be sedated. The vet said he had a small particle of bone lodged in his gum near a back tooth. (Beware of giving chew-bones, I suppose.) She retrieved it, and he's fine now. But that really upset me; it's only the second time Oscar has been sick.

Rambo, fortunately, has never really been sick. I know now that it's going to be very emotionally difficult to let go of either of these dogs; they've been with me since shortly after my husband died. They are always nearby, waiting for me when I return, or following me around. While my cats come inside for the evening hours while I watch movies/TV, and the dogs are crated, the dogs are still with me almost constantly.

And with that round of melancholy, I'll end this post. I wish I could get back in the habit of posting regularly, but other than Twitter (which is space enough for my daily stuff), don't know if I'll ever be a frequent poster.